UPDATE: 1/20/2010- I think I'm finally over the feeling that I might run out to find a dog turd covered cigarette butt out of the snow to microwave and then smoke.
I've been delaying this post until I knew I could actually do it. I have have made it now through a day and a half of no smoking. I wasn't an official official smoker smoker. I was an after hours out of sight smoker closet smoker. And with my get-yer-ass-in-gear turning 30 year, I've decided that would be my first bad habit to get rid of. I had decided that I was quitting last week. But, somehow found little friends still around the house that would follow me and jump into my hands.
Yesterday was the day I had not-a-one.
Dear mentholated goodness,
After a long affair, I am sorry to say that I have to give you up. It's not because I don't love you and love the way I feel when I'm with you. You're just no good for me anymore. Your love hurts me. Yesterday, I didn't see you at all. It gave me an anxious feeling. I paced around the house looking for things to keep me busy so that I wouldn't think of you. I did tae-bo with the kids, cleaned the vents and played on the computer. I tried not to look in the back yard at "our" spot.
I found myself snapping at poor Chris for no reason. I was looking to pick a fight. I called him awful names and pointed out every flaw he's ever had since he was 2. That was followed by a swift heel to the thigh-charlie horse. He decided that he would be better off talking to his brother on the phone all night. I think that was a good decision on his behalf. I sat staring at the tv, stewing.
I laid in bed just staring at the ceiling. I had the awful nagging feeling that I was forgetting something important, but I knew it was you. Giving you up has left a hole in my heart. You have been with me through thick and through thin. When I was angry...you paced with me. When I was sad...you listened. When I was happy...your smoke danced around. You kept me company wherever I went. And now, I've let you down.
This morning I was driving to work and there were reminders of you everywhere. The gas station, the drug store, the convenient store, the drive thru's...You were waving at me seductively from car windows...wisping out, curling and then disappearing leaving only a memory. I know that you've probably already moved on to somebody else. I'm just a money figure to you. But, I loved you. I loved everything about you. I loved the way you smelled when you were fresh. And I loved the way you felt in my lungs. I loved the way you always gave me something to do when I was bored.
But, as I said before...love hurts. And you, Marlboro Smooth, are out of the picture.
Farewell, old friend.