Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Goodbye Old Friend

UPDATE: 1/20/2010- I think I'm finally over the feeling that I might run out to find a dog turd covered cigarette butt out of the snow to microwave and then smoke.

I've been delaying this post until I knew I could actually do it. I have have made it now through a day and a half of no smoking. I wasn't an official official smoker smoker. I was an after hours out of sight smoker closet smoker. And with my get-yer-ass-in-gear turning 30 year, I've decided that would be my first bad habit to get rid of. I had decided that I was quitting last week. But, somehow found little friends still around the house that would follow me and jump into my hands.

Yesterday was the day I had not-a-one.

Dear mentholated goodness,

After a long affair, I am sorry to say that I have to give you up. It's not because I don't love you and love the way I feel when I'm with you. You're just no good for me anymore. Your love hurts me. Yesterday, I didn't see you at all. It gave me an anxious feeling. I paced around the house looking for things to keep me busy so that I wouldn't think of you. I did tae-bo with the kids, cleaned the vents and played on the computer. I tried not to look in the back yard at "our" spot.

I found myself snapping at poor Chris for no reason. I was looking to pick a fight. I called him awful names and pointed out every flaw he's ever had since he was 2. That was followed by a swift heel to the thigh-charlie horse. He decided that he would be better off talking to his brother on the phone all night. I think that was a good decision on his behalf. I sat staring at the tv, stewing.

I laid in bed just staring at the ceiling. I had the awful nagging feeling that I was forgetting something important, but I knew it was you. Giving you up has left a hole in my heart. You have been with me through thick and through thin. When I was angry...you paced with me. When I was sad...you listened. When I was happy...your smoke danced around. You kept me company wherever I went. And now, I've let you down.

This morning I was driving to work and there were reminders of you everywhere. The gas station, the drug store, the convenient store, the drive thru's...You were waving at me seductively from car windows...wisping out, curling and then disappearing leaving only a memory. I know that you've probably already moved on to somebody else. I'm just a money figure to you. But, I loved you. I loved everything about you. I loved the way you smelled when you were fresh. And I loved the way you felt in my lungs. I loved the way you always gave me something to do when I was bored.

But, as I said before...love hurts. And you, Marlboro Smooth, are out of the picture.
Farewell, old friend.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The logic of Chris

Shower time in our house is after the kids go to bed each night.

The other night Chris goes up to the bathroom for his nightly shower. I am downstairs watching TV when he pops his head out of the bathroom with a confused look on his face.

"Babe, come here and look at this." He whispers, even though it's just the two of us.

"I'm watching this. What do you want?" While never taking my eyes off the tv.

"I think they're shrinking!" He's now holding onto the bathroom door frame while craning his neck out as far as it will reach towards the living room.

Now he's got my attention. Now, I'm cracking up yelling at him. "What the hell are you talking about? It's freaking winter outside. Don't they all shrink in the cold? How the hell old are you that you haven't figured that out yet?"

He now pops out of the bathroom hopping in circles in the hallway pointing at his hips. "My underwear are shrinking, look at the red circle around me. They're shrinking!"

"You dumbass!" Somehow the memory of the ten million cookies, sweets and holiday meals must have slipped his mine and shrinking elastic seemed like a logical explanation.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The year of 30

That's right...this year I will finally turn 30.

I never ever ever had a problem with the thought of turning 30. 30 isn't old...it's just another year, right? That was my mindset until today. I just realized that I will turn 30 this year and that means I'm no longer immortal....or something like that.

I can feel the cigarette build up in my lungs causing my lungs to swell up, constricting air flow while bulging out and pushing on my heart that is full of umpteen years of double cheeseburgers and cheesy beefy melts while trying to pump the blood that is made up of mostly salsitas cheese sauce by now. All being fueled on by coca-cola.

So, with my new found fear of my body giving out...I think I might try to take care of it. But, I'm not sure how to start. I don't cook, so I'm really limited to eating whatever Chris puts on my plate. And, I don't think I have the will power to give up my bag of popcorn covered in garlic salt and parmesean cheese a night. Maybe I should start with exercising or something. I've tried it in the past and even managed to stick it out for like a week!

Any suggestions of where to start? And give me some kind of realistic benchmark here people. Keep in mind that I do work and have three kids. So, I am most definately NOT getting up to do a morning jog at 6. Or at any point in the morning. I wish I had me a sweatin' to the oldies tape.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Big Stretch


That was a nice blogging rest.

This is just a quick note to say that I am back and will try to stick with it. I don't know if I have anything of interest to write about.

It's finally snowing here and just when I thought I was going to be able to take the little rascals sled riding, all three of them start projectile vomiting all over my house. They were nice enough to time it so that none of them were puking at the same time though. How thoughtful of them. They all started puking about 30 hours apart. I'm now sitting here with my third puker, who puked on my walls, rug, floors, carpets, blankets and couch today. I thankfully did not get puked on. Tomorrow, he'll be home with Chris and I'll be at work. Happy to be somewhere that doesn't smell of bile and poo.

Christmas was great. There isn't anything better than being home with family. I had family come in from Columbus, Ohio..New Mexico, Missouri and Jacksonville, Florida! It was so great spending time with everyone. We all went out for drinks one night. First time I've been out for drinks since the Christmas before that when everyone was up. Just like the year before, I had three glasses of wine and was completely and totally hammered. Had to focus on road signs on the way home to not think I was going to fall out of the car into a ditch and promptly gave up my guts when I got home. A complete replay of last year's outing with the cousins. Maybe one day I'll learn to just drink two glasses of wine. Or maybe I'll puke every year.

---------Pause to take care of puking kid and clean up puke---------

My little brother moved to Florida and was unable to take his new puppy with him so we are foster parents to a rottweiler now. He's a huge pain in the butt. We LOVE him! The kids are going to be so sad when he leaves. I secretly will too.

Ok...so I'm going to try the post every day in the month thing. I'm not going to totally commit to it because I'm a lazy flarp and I might just flop. But, here's to 2010. Anybody doing anything fun to ring in the new?