Monday, November 8, 2010

Blower (snicker)

Fall. What a wonderful time of year. The air turns crisp and starts to nip at your nose and ears. Kids all get to dress up in costumes and collect free candy from strangers. The first frost comes and the leaves all turn the most magnificent colors....and this is all done while the trees strategically crap hoards of before-mentioned-leaves-gone-dead onto your yard.

Leaves, leaves, leaves....most people start raking, blowing (snicker), sucking, burning, throwing away leaves little by little as they fall. Not this guy! I wait until every one of them is on the ground. Aaaaand...they are now all down.

We are in the final days of halfway decent weather. So, while watching the kids enjoy these last days on our multi leaf covered lawn, I decided that I wanted to be productive and re-discover our yard.

Me (yells from other side of yard): "Chraaaaaaas, Where's the leaf blower?"
Chris (lifts head, looks semi annoyed at the obvious answered question): Garage
Me (I see he's not getting the hint): "Can you get it for me?"
Chris (Stares at me)
Me (Does my best to look sweet and innocent. Can feel lip curling up, nose scrunching in a beast like manner and eyes squinting. Standing in the sun is not helping my cause)
Chris (Sighs, drops what he was being productive with to help me on my productive way. He gets out and unrolls two extensions cords, plugs everything in, straightens everything across the yard so I don't get tangled and hands me the leaf blower)
Me (While he does all this, I stay in my same spot that I yelled from and wait for my royal slave loving husband to bring me my leaf weapon)

Our front yard is pretty big and we do have numerous trees...which in turn produce craploads of leaves. Add into that the fact that they were all soggy on the bottom layers from the morning's melted frost...and I probably should have just used a damn rake. But, my lazy ass kept justifying in my head that leaf blowers were made after rakes, therefore MUST be better. Right?

I blew and blew and blew (snicker) until my arms were vibrating, my ears were ringing and I was using my uterus (heh...who knew it was good for other things too?) to maintain some stability to keep the blower from careening completely out of control. In addition to my vibrating arms and ears...I now feared that my reproductive organs might vibrate out, fall down my pant leg and be blown into the woods, buried in a mountain of crunchy leaves to probably then be eaten by a deer. And who says I never did anything to contribute to the great outdoors?

I blew with such intensity (snicker) and concentration that 45 minutes into it, I realized that I was chewing the sides of my tongue raw. Don't judge, everyone has a wierd tic they do when they concentrate. Mine just happens to be chewing on the sides of my own tongue similiar to how one would chew gum.

Chris eventually came over and took the blower to help out. I jittered over to a tree and sat watching him blow (snicker snicker). After a few minutes, I jumped up managed to drag my ass off the ground and hobble over to take the blower back. This was my mission... My battle... My war...


I lost. End of story. A little short of halfway through the front yard, I caved and gave up. This morning I woke up and my back still hurts, my forearms ache and I'm wondering if the leaves will be removed from the yard or if they will stay until the snow thaws.

ps. I left the blower in the driveway for Chris to unplug, wrap up the cords and put everything away. All while he grumbled about my not so productive productiveness. He loves me. Maybe I'll have him get everything out for me to continue next weekend...


  1. I love this - absolutely love it. I'm with you on waiting until they all fall down, but my husband doesn't follow that belief. So he ends up doing it. And my wee ones think raking is fun so far, which means they help.... Suckers ;)

  2. Hope the achiness has gone since posting this. We wait until the leaves fall down. It feels more autumnal that way :)


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