Monday, August 17, 2009

Just For Kirsty!

Me and my brother have a random texting habit. One of our favorite games is to text a line of a song and see if the other can name that song or text the next line. It gets really hilarious sometimes. The other day, he started texting me Chuck Norris jokes and I almost peed in my chair sitting in my office.

1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

2. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

5.Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

6. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

9. When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night...he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

10. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

11. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

12. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Now, come know that was funny. Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice.

And now an update. We drove 20 hours with all three of the boys this month for our first family trip. We went to Florida and stayed two nights with his dad and the rest with his brother, Danny and his wife, Shasha. It was hotter than hell itself, which I had not anticipated at all. We drove with the air on the whole way there. When we got to his dad's house and I got out, I'm pretty sure that half of my ass turned to sweat and dripped out my capris. I immediately decided that anything with legs could not be worn in Florida.

I NEVER wear shorts out in public. I have the legs of a nine year old boy who has been riding a horse way too long and then drug their knees through the rocks. So, I usually try to hide my chicken bow legs under capris. There was no shame in Florida though...I took my swamp ass to Wal-Mart on the first day to buy a bathing suit. Since my boobs decided to be inverted (please refer to boobs post), I didn't have a bathing suit that fit me. But, I sure bought me a teeny bikini and wore the crap out of that thing for a week. You will NOT be seeing any pictures of it though.

It turned out that everybody in Florida HATES the beach. WTF? I ride in the truck for 20 hours with three small children to sit in the air conditioning?!?!?! Chris did take pity on me after much pouting and many muttered curse words and took me and the boys to the beach. The sand was so hot, you couldn't walk on it in your bare feet. But, we had a blast. Devin kept trying to run out and the current was pulling him away. Peyton didn't want the waves to even touch him and Nuby was content to dig the same hole that kept getting filled in by the waves for an hour.

Then we walked up and ate at Bubba Gump's Shrimp. That was really neat. But, very uncomfortable. After sitting in the builds up. I couldn't figure out why it felt like my bathing suit was chafing away my precious parts until I went potty and poured out like 2 cups of sand from my bottoms. My souvenir?

Also...if you are going for a 20 hour drive and would like to have a snack...DON'T EAT 30 SLIM JIMS! They will bind you up like you would never believe!


  1. Thanks for the advice, but slim jims give me heart burn. I will pass the info along to loved ones

    What "boob" post are you speaking of to refer to?

    Glad you had a pretty decent time in FL & the jokes were great! I see why you almost peed.

  2. It is so great to see you back again. What a funny post as always.

  3. Yes, all of us in Florida hate the beach!! It's really true, none of native Floridians ever go to the beach.

  4. This post had me cracking up. I have a great image in my head of your ass dripping out of your capris!

    On the one year mark of Shawn'd death I just wanted to say thank you for everything. I mean it really thank you for calling me every hour was great! You have been an AMAZING friend to me and I can't imagine getting through this without you. You have been my rock, the person I have cried the most to and through all of it you have been there for me.

    I'm so glad to have you in my life. You are my wild and crazy friend and I love you so much.

    Thanks for everything, it means more to me than you know!

    Love ya~

  5. Loved you rhyme on my blog posting! Got it in my head head now. Your family look so cute in them photos! Thanks for the update =) xxx

  6. she blogs!!!!!! Yay! All is good in the world today! That trio of boys is just so darn cute...!

  7. did you not learn the slim jim issue from your last trip... i mean come on jennie!!! hahaha

  8. Funniest post ever. I could relate on so many things- including eating too many slim jims in a short period of time.


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