First off....Does anybody pay attention to when I change my music to match each post? Or, am I just amusing myself? Either way....I'm going to keep doing it.
Today was the end of Devin's baby stage and the beginning of his big kid stage. I have always dreaded the day he would start Kindergarten. Since I work in childcare, all of my boys are with me or with people that I trust (and control, he he he) 24 hours a day. But, today I sent him out to a whole new world with people I don't know to a place that I'm not allowed to follow. To boot, I sent him in a vehicle that is driven by another stranger.
He has been so excited to start riding the big kid bus and go to big kid school and learn big kid things and eat big kid lunch. But, last night he got bigkiditis. We layed in his bed at bedtime talking about the next day and he was scared. My fearless ball of energy was scared. And that broke my heart. I hate that I don't have all the answers and that I can't be there to walk him each step of the way. This was part of our conversation last night.
Devin.....Mom, who's gonna get me off the bus when I get to school?
Me......I'm sure there will be adults and teachers who will be there to tell you where to go, Dev.
Devin.....What if Cadence isn't with me? (Cadence is his friend next door. They are the same age and have grown up together)
Me....That's ok if she's not with you because you're big now and you get to make lots of new friends.
Devin....(starting to tear up) But, I'll miss her.
Me.....That's ok. You'll still see her on the bus every day. And maybe you'll see her at lunch and when you play outside.
And then I sang him his song that I made up for him at the hospital when he was born.
Don't cry, baby Devin
Don't cry, mama's here
Don't cry, baby Devin
I'll always be near.
I'll love you in the morning
I'll love you at night
So, don't cry, baby Devin. I'll be by your side.
Then, I talked to him some more and he fell asleep while I was in mid sentence. This morning...I slept in of course. Luckily, my neighbors came to bring me coffee and woke us up. We got Devin ready, fed him breakfast, brushed the teeth, got dressed and headed to wait for the bus. When he got on and started driving away, I started crying and laughing saying, "They're gonna lose him".
Well......at 2:30 this afternoon the school called me. They didn't exactly lose him in a physical sense, but they lost him in the system. There was some kind of glitch that they couldn't figure out. After a couple calls with the school secretary they found him, but they said that he couldn't ride the bus until it was straightened out. Lucky for me, that meant I got to pick him up from school!
I waited outside with about 35 other families and the herd of car riders/walkers started pouring out the doors. It was like a zoo. And then I saw my little blonde head slowly moving out, crushing his empty lunch bag to his chest, and peering out into the massive crowd of shouting kids and adult with giant eyes. I threw out my arms like a crazed maniac and ran at him. He spotted me and started running back at me. When I tell you that it was probably the most ridiculous act ever, I am not joking.
I threw my arms around him, the crushed lunchbag and the bookbag on his bag and squeezed the air out of him. I couldn't let go either. I carried him just like that through half the parking lot. Now, let me tell you....Devin is not a cuddly-touchy-feely kind of kid. But, as I drug/carried him he just laid his head on me and smiled...as I cried like a freaking mad woman.
I know I'm ridiculous....but, I couldn't help myself. I'm sure there have been worse than me. And, I'm sure there are some people that say it's no big deal. But, today was the start of the rest of his life. Today marks a day when I let my baby go. Today marks a day of him reaching out to people he doesn't know. Today marks a day of new friendships. Today marks a day when another adult will make an impact on my child. Today marks a day of me learning to trust. Today marks a day of both of us letting go a little bit.
Today is the day of Devin's first day of school...