Tuesday, December 30, 2008

My public apology


I feel that a public apology is needed for the label "Perfect Pamela". Perhaps it was a bit over the top extreme.

Let me try to explain myself and my Devin.

Devin has always been an energetic and somewhat uncoordinated fireball of energy from the second he came out of the womb. When he was still in the hospital he would stay awake for hours watching everybody who came to visit us.

During his first year of life, until he learned to run, on his own. He demanded that everybody walk/bounce him from room to room. This also continued into the night. He would wake up and cry for an hour or two until he was satisfied that my head would surely explode from lack of sleep and then I would have to shake his butt until he fell back asleep.

When he learned to walk at nine months old, he immediately set off to running everywhere. Very forest gump like. lol. Devin wouldn't walk anywhere, it was always at a dead set sprint while he would let his war cry deep belly laugh. He was also lucky enough to receive my clutzy gene. So, he would frequently fall and run into everything. I believe he is the only child at his daycare that had an incident report written up for running face first into a refridgerator. ha ha ha.

At the age of two, Devin became the school cannibal. He needed to be constantly shadowed so that he didn't eat the rest of the children. When Devin would get frustrated and could not bite anybody else, which was very frequently, he would bite himself. Sometimes to the point of drawing blood.

At two and a half, Nuby was born so Devin got to stay home with me for seven weeks and that was when we did potty training. Yeah, Devin then got to wear big boy underwear like Daddy! And, he got to meet his new brother and help out. It was a very exciting time.

When we finally returned to life. Devin was in a new classroom. He does not handle change/transition/ or anything that is out of his norm very well. He is sometimes "difficult" to deal with if you don't take the extra step he needs to understand him and why he does things.

Devin (as well as myself) went through a very rough two year period. It is just now getting better but we still have our days. When Devin transitioned to preschool, he LOVED his teacher and she LOVED him. I finally had someone who understood Devin. She cared deeply about him and I greatly appreciated that. It made life on me easier. It is so hard to know that people do not like your child because he is "annoying" and loud.

However, while his teacher adored him and went the extra mile every day, the assistant teacher did not. He would instantly become angry with Devin. There was one instance that I will never forget and it still breaks my heart. I was in my office and the preschool class was walking down the hallway. As usual, Devin got out of line to run and fell hitting his chin on the floor. Instead of helping him get up and reminding him about using his walking feet, he pointed and laughed. Devin just layed there on his stomach crying while all of his classmates followed the lead of the assistant teacher and pointed and laughed also. This sent Dev into an all out screaming fit (rightly so) which got him in trouble. I went and got Devin to talk to him and show my disapproval to the teacher. After a few more instances like that, the assistant teacher was let go.

Devin's preschool teacher then left us for a higher paying position and in the mean time I had given birth to Peyton. That was where Devin's quick downward spiral began. The teacher that took over did not like Devin. I know this because she told several of the other teachers who told me because they were concerned. I moved Devin to our second preschool location with one of our new teachers. She was wonderful but Devin was a mess. Too much change had happened and he did not know how to cope. She was trying her best and that was all I could ask for. That she truely wanted what was best for him even when he was being a little turd and that she was never mean just because he was on her nerves. When she put in her notice for something closer to home, I cried like I had lost my best friend.

That's when Yolanda came back, his original preschool teacher. It took Devin a while to get readjusted. But, it worked. Devin still has his days where they have to call me because he is completely out of control, but they are fewer and further between.

Let me also add that Devin has ongoing ear issues. At age three, he failed an impedence test at school. I was told not to worry that it might be a cold. Six weeks later, he failed again. I was referred to our pediatrician. I took him and was told that everything was fine. Months later, he failed yet another impedence test. I called his pediatrician again and was referred to an ear, nose and throat specialist. He had 30% hearing loss due to fluid in the ears. They put him on an antibiotic. I had him back to his pediatrician who said everything looked fine. But, I could tell that Devin was not hearing. He was having an increasingly hard time in school and at home. I called a different ear, nose, and throat doctor and took him in. He scheduled him for outpatient surgery to have tubes put in two weeks from then. That was last March. During the last month and a half I have noticed that Devin seems to not be hearing me again. When I talk, I notice that he watches my mouth. When I tell him anything, I have to make him repeat it back to me to ensure that he understands. I took him back to his ear, nose, throat doctor who put him on an antibiotic. But, once again, I don't notice anything getting better. Only worse. I called a different agency that specialized in pediatrics because his current doctor is "old school" He is scheduled for a full hearing eval this month.

And last I wanted to address how you stated that I was a child worker and the smack surprised you. I do not want you to think that this is how I conduct my centers. It is by far WAY easier to care for other people's children and their education. It is completely different to raise your own children. While, I never second guess how I do things with my younger two children, I am almost always at a lost with my Devin.

I love Devin in a way that is different than the other two. Not more or less, just different. He is my oldest and he was first. For awhile before Chris came into our lives, it was just me and Dev trying to figure out what to do with each other. I am very protective over him. While I try to stand back and let him figure things out for himself. He is SO darn obnoxious. Wether or not people do this, I feel like everyone is always judging my parenting skills because of the way Devin is. I also only leave Devin with a small few select people because I am always afraid that Devin will fly into one of his extreme-refuse-to-comply-with-anything-and-scream-bloody-murder fits and they will get angry and not know what to do except make it worse.

I am not a perfect parent as I am sure that nobody is. But, I do know that my child knows he is loved and I can assure you that he is not an abused child, although I have threatened to suck out his soul or ship him off to abudaubi.

So, maybe this will help you understand a little bit or to ease your mind.

I can not say that I know exactly how you feel and I certainly hope that I never do. I can only empathize and apologize deeply for your loss. I'm sure that what you had to endure has taken it's toll on you and I could see why Devin being smacked in the mouth would anger you.

I welcome all comments, the original one you left felt like I had been blind sided and left me reeling and wanting to counter attack. I apologize once more.

And, I added my email to my profile. I didn't realize it was not there.




  1. what a great post. devin is a lucky boy to have you as his mom!

  2. That was a wonderful post. By reading it I think you have had a lot of up's and down's with Devin. Which is totally fine. I think you are doing a great job and you should be proud of yourself. You do what you can to make things right for him and make sure he is happy and taken care of. Not many parents would do that for their own child. It was nice of you
    to say sorry to Pamela. When you wrote your first post you were just stating how you felt. I think that is fine in my book. At times we hear things from other people and do not always respond the way we want to. I will say this again. You did what you felt was right. Thanks for sharing more of your story about Devin. Have a great day.

  3. Jennie, you are so nice and you did not have to do this. Besides, the incident was not even something you did. Anyway, I am sorry for causing you distress but I really thank you for writing this. It is the holidays and everything is just kind of over emotional right now for me. So sorry again. Have a good new year.

  4. Hey Jenny, I just found your blog and I love how you write! Your Devon sounds very similar to my Timothy, he's 11 now, and doing very well,I eventually took my boys out of school and started homeschooling because of the treatment Tim got, he was never lucky enough to get a caring teacher, it would have made all the difference, Devon will start handling better each year, you're doing a fantastic job!! I really like your blog!!

  5. The reasons you listed about Devin is exactly why I NEVER leave mean/hateful comments on anyone's blog. You never know what they are going through and you never know what the child is like. Taylor was close to a perfect baby/toddler. I really didn't have to do anything discipline wise until this year (after she started daycare), but Callee - she's a whole different story. I don't know if it is watching her older sister, daycare or that's just her, but she is definitely not an easy toddler and was a horrific baby.

    I hope things with your Devin get better day by day. I know you are doing what is best for him and that is most important.

  6. Hey Jenni
    Just found your blog! I like it! You seem like you're in a similar place to me! I also have 3 small children - 5, 2 and 1!! It is hard, but great at the same time! Being a parent is quite possibly the hardest job I've had. (I'm a Physio, and believe me - I have had some difficuilt patients in my time, but motherhood is tougher!)
    Keep up the good work!
    Kirsty x


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