While browsing over past blog posts I came across my My Not Me Friday post and decided that the annual family pig roast shall be narrated likewise.
No pigs were harmed in the making of this pig roast. Except for this one. We ate him.
This past weekend was NOT our family's annual pig roast.
I did NOT call Chris and have him bring me blueberry lemonade smirnoff on his way over. I did NOT decide to open one to drink before eating. I did NOT decide to keep on drinking since I had already started.
My aunt does NOT have a giant hammock-like swing hanging high in the branches for the kids to swing on. I did NOT get nailed by said giant hammock swing while pushing kids causing me and my blueberry lemonade to launch and skid across the yard. My shoulder does NOT still feel like it might fall off from NOT grabbing onto the swing and NOT letting it jerk me off the ground so that I could NOT swing kids higher.
This is NOT my grandma. You should NOT feel sorry for her!
I assure that I did NOT run up to people snapping obnoxious photos of myself with them. I have way more class than that. Speaking of class, Peyton did NOT stand behind me and break wind as I was talking to family friends. I did NOT fail to hold in my laughter and then try to claim the broken wind as my own! Who would do such thing. NOT me!
As the sun went down so did the supply of smirnoff that Chris brought. All 6 of them. After I did NOT crack open my fifth blueberry lemonade I plopped myself down to NOT watch a competitive game of cornhole. I did NOT pull off an oompa loompa cartwheel attempting to stand up. I did NOT try to pretend like I had done that oompa loompa cartwheel on purpose. If I had, I think I would have fooled them.
I did NOT decide that I needed to play cornhole with Chris, Tommy and theonly other drunk people at the party. Tommy did NOT tell me that I was only mildly offensive the next day but that it was alright since my sentences were NOT half missing, jumbled and slurred. Chris did NOT try to nail me like a carnival game with cornhole bags for cheating and I did NOT call my conservative aunt Achmed.
And finally, Chris did NOT have to take me home early so that I wouldn't make a fool of my NOT thirsty self.