Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Who doesn't love an old poop story?

Here's an old one that I found and couldn't resist posting. Why? Because it is about one of my all time favorite subjects.... POOOOOO

Ah. The joys of being stuck in times of old with a septic tank and little boys who love to flush things.

Here in the northeast, we finally had a break in the cold weather and the temps hit the 50′s! Great for cold spirits…bad for all the snow that melted into our backyard, which is where the septic tank beds are.

For those of you who are not familiar with the septic tank. The definition according to google is..septic tank n. A sewage-disposal tank in which a continuous flow of waste material is decomposed by anaerobic. Or in layman’s terms…all our excrement flows into a 1,000 gallon tank located underneath the trampoline in the backyard where it supposedly breaks itself down allowing for more excrement to be packed in. This makes for a good read during supper….

While anaerobics (I have no idea what this means, but makes me envision turds in neon leotards) are going on, the tank does need to be emptied. The rule is generally, for two people in a household you get it done every 5 years. For 5 people, every two years. Well, we have six people and frequent out of town visitors throughout the year…..and it hadn’t been done in 4 years. Is the post title starting to give you a visual yet?

On Saturday, my dad texted Chris' phone to let him know that a sewer smell was coming from his pipes and said it was probably time to get the tanks sucked out. No problem. By Sunday, the smell emanating from the bathroom showed itself. The toilet had backed up and there was raw sewage floating around, stankin’ up the place. Not a problem, right? Sewage goes in the toilet, so aside from the smell it wasn’t too bad. We went into crisis mode utilizing the water at a bare minimum.

Sunday night brought another snow storm that lasted into Monday and had all of us praying that it didn’t keep the ‘sucker guy’ away. We lucked out and he showed up first thing in the morning after I had left Chris and the boys home to ‘take care of duty’. About halfway through my work day I receive an email from Chris that read, “need to rent snack for train”. What?!?!?!?! I’m at work and him and the boys are going on a train ride! Ok, it was a frantic text full of typos that after calling him translated into, ‘It’s not the tank causing the back up and we need to rent a commercial length pipe snake to correct/unclog the drains.’

After the ‘sucker guy’ had left, Chris started the dishwasher, clothes washer and flushed all the toilets that were full of almost 24 hours worth of (gag). He went to check out my dad’s bathroom when he realized that sometimes the Shit really does hit the fan. Little did we know that little boys can flush things that create a clog. All of the water in the house, including the toilets, was shooting out of my dad’s toilet and shower like a shit spewing volcano.

I’ll stop the story there. Needless to say, I left work to come home and help clean the mess and help him snake the pipes. Love…it’s all about standing side by side with rubber gloves on picking up mushy poop and trying to figure out what it's in it.

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