Look at my award!

I originally started this blog after reading my friend's blog. She recently moved away and I check her blog obsessively to see what she is up to. I am usually the person who tells the stupidly funny stories at functions, so I thought why don't I tell my stories on my blog? And, that's what I do now.

My friend Jenny http://www.taleoftwocoins.blogspot.com/ awarded me the blog award, I'm lovin' your blog. I like to think it is because my blog is funny to read and people enjoy it but it could very well be that she feels sorry for me because I have no blog friends. ha ha ha.

The award rules go as follows:

Now it's time for YOU to share this award with blogs you love to read!Here are the Rules:

1. The winner can put the logo on his/her blog.

2. Link the person from whom you received your award.

3. Nominate at least seven other blogs

4. Put links of those blogs on yours, and

5. Leave a message on the blogs that you've nominated!

I'm awarding the I Love Your Blog award to...

1. http://www.jenerahealy.blogspot.com/

2. http://aande.wordpress.com/

Unfortunately, since I am relatively new to the blogger world, I do not have seven people to pass on this award to, so I will pass it on to the few people that I do follow regularly.

Congratulations guys! I love your blogs. You can copy and paste the award into your blog now.

Busy Busy Week

This week is a busy one for me so I thought that I would leave a post while I have a second.

I started my second block of classes this week and am still waiting on my final project scores from last week. I know I did good in my class that was pointless, but I'm not holding my breath for my english class. The professor must have been pulled out of a cracker jack box because I probably could have taught the class just as well as she did. At one point in the class, my computer was being an ass and wouldn't let me open the documents I needed to complete. So, I only got to turn in half of my assignment. She must not really look at things because she sure gave me a 100% on the assignment. Then I got absolutely no relevant feedback from her regarding my rough drafts on my final project and received no peer feedback because the student assigned my essay decided not to do it. So, I decided that if you can't win, piss as many people off as possible. During all of our assignment question days, I played devil's advocate and challenged everybody's answers. On surveys for the teacher, I told it like it was and said the class sucked balls. So, we'll see what kind of grade I get.

Yesterday I traveled 4 hours for a training. Tonight I had a meeting after work. Tomorrow I have to work late to train a new employee. Thursday I have to travel 6 hours for work. Friday I have to work late to finish training a new employee. So, I may not get to blog again until this weekend. Please don't cane me.

See ya after my busy busy week.

New picture link thingy

I added a button on the right linking to the "Bring the Rain" log. Particulary to the praying for your children page. Check it out, pray for your children.

Ok, I will cut this one off short since most of my post are extremely long.

Cold cloudy morning

I have been on this crazy cleaning streak for over two weeks now. I am normally a very lazy messy kind of person. I would rather be playing in the mud than cleaning. I was once quoted stating that I would rather eat my own poop than ever clean the kitchen again. Just for the record, I never did eat or ever attempt to eat my own poop. And, I have cleaned the kitchen several hundred times since then.

I think it is because I haven't had any friends to play with and it's getting too cold to go play outside. Two weeks ago my friend (kind of sister-in-law) was scheduled to be induced to have her second baby. I had been super excited waiting for her. Our group is made up primarily of all boys with the exception of Cadence. We had made arrangements so that her oldest, who is the same age as Devin, would stay with me. Devin and Tyler go to preschool together so, if she would have happened to go into labor on her own, it made sense that he stay with me to still continue with school.

Anyway, she was scheduled to be induced on a Friday around noon. So, I changed my schedule at work to be able to get off at 2:30 to be sure that I wouldn't miss anything. I left work picked up all the kids and called Jamie (my friend/sister-in-law) to see if anything was going on. Nothing eventful yet. I told her that I was taking all the boys home and we were going to eat, play outside for awhile and then we would be up. Sounded great. It was the plan we had been talking about for weeks.

Then me and Chris decided that maybe we would find a sitter for some of our crew to focus on just Tyler, since this was HIS baby sister. Chris called his brother, who is Jamie's husband, to see what he was doing and told him of our plan. Everything comes to a screaching HAAAALLLTTT! Lee, Chris' brother, does not want Tyler at the hospital. He doesn't think it is a good idea. This is as we are finalizing to leave. At this point, I am completely floored. Of course, if only one of us is able to go up then it will be Chris. It is his brother after all. But, I am the one who changed my schedule at work to make sure I was able to get all the kids and not miss anything. I kept calling/texting to see what was going on during the day. Nobody asked me if I minded staying home. If they would have, I would have told them that they needed to find somebody to keep Tyler during the time that I could go see the new baby. To say that I was livid, is the understatement of the year. I was wishing giant obnoxious episiotomies on Jamie and trying to wrap the umbilical cord around Lee's neck with my mind power.

But, to shorten up the beginning of the mayhem...when I get upset or angry I need to keep moving. Since, Jamie was in the hospital and my friend next door has been all holed up with every sickness known to the human race, I have been cleaning. My laundry has been done, my dishes are not only washed but put away. Oh and Coin http://www.thetaleoftwocoins.blogspot.com will appreciate this one...my Aunt Suzy bought me a sweet new vaccuum. And I have been washing out the bagless canister every time I sweep. I sicken myself.

Poopy pants...

Oh buddy, where to start? First, I need to let you know that toilet humor IS THE funniest humor. And anybody who looks in disgust instead of cracking up uncontrollably is a big ol' faker. When me and my big brood of cousins all get together, you can bet your ass crack that the conversation will soon turn to poop and farts. It doesn't matter what the setting may be...weddings, church dinners, christmas...it always ends up the same.

Nutty poop, squishy poop, shrapnel poop, phantom poop, fiahrrea poop, goat pebble poop, crazy poop, whole food poop...etc. you get the point.

You get the point that poop is hilarious. But, only when you are talking of poop that goes directly from your or other said person's butt directly into the toilet.

Let me take you back a few years, approximately 4. I had the worst stomach ache. It was the kind of stomach pains that come in waves and make you feel like you have horrific gas. I was like this for about two days but continued working as it was after all, only a stomach ache. I needed to take some supplies to an outside site, so I went down to the basement and grabbed a 50 pound box. This should be no big deal for me. I am not hercules by any means but definately pride myself on being able to do things myself. (I'm a big girl) So, I carry the box up the two flights of stairs from the basement to my office. Oh no, here comes a stomach cramp. I bend over to set the box down, trying to not let it pull me off my feet as I am bending when a fart escapes. It's one of those farts that slowly leak out and you can't for the life of you pinch it off. It just slowly keeps on a leaking and a whinin'. So, I stand up quickly and realize that although my butt has disposed off all of it's gas that the burn is now persisting on, not the inside, but the outside of my buns. That's when the smell slaps me in the face. BLECH. I am now in a full blown panic with my mind racing a gazillion miles a minute.

"No, it was just a fart, it was not poop. I did not poop in my pants. Oh God, what is that smell. Where is everyone. Did someone hear it. Can someone smell me. What do I do. Where do I go. Why is it still burning. Do I feel something running down my leg."

I take off running out of my office, trying not to let my butt cheeks rub together, and head for the second floor bathroom which is usually unoccupied. I lock myself in a stall and "check" the specimen. Yes yes yes, oh no. I have squishy water poo with something that looks like carrot slivers happily staring back at me.

Anyway, this is a favorite story with my friends as my one friend who also worked there had to assist me. Did she come down to tell me it was ok since I was sick? Hell no, I called her from the phone in the hallway and could hear her laughing through the stairwell from the next floor up. Gotta love your friends!

I didn't have anything crazy happen this week so, I thought you all might get a kick out of my poopy pants story. If you are lucky, there might be a sequel to this later this week.

What a week

Man, have I got some updates for you. Oh, where to start?

Dr. appointment last Friday.

Edgar...I went to the Dr. for my physical and she decided that edgar is not a hernia and very well might be my inner fart. She said that sometimes your abdominal muscles get weak and your intestines can be felt. However, I have to make an appointment for an ultrasound just to make sure it isn't something else. So, I will get around to doing that at some point in time because, I had some week last week.

I also had to get my tuberculosis testing again. For those of you who don't know me, I have a completely irrational fear of anything that pierces the skin. So, that tiny little needle that barely even goes under your skin and wouldn't bother probably 95% of people looked like a plunger sized needle racing at my arm at 5 gazillion miles per hour.

Being by myself, I decided that I was going to be a big girl and I didn't need somebody to coax me through it. This sounded reasonable and completely doable in my head until the nurse touched me. She was only cleaning my arm with the little antiseptic wipe. But, I tell you that I almost crapped myself from the terror. She then held my arm and wiped it off again and the yank set in. I tried oh so hard to tell myself not to move the arm, but I whipped/yanked it out of her grasp. She patiently said, "Are you afraid of needles?" I start muttering (half to her, half to myself) something to the effect of, "yeah a little bit i guess so it's ok". I give her my arm back silently cursing myself for being such a damn asshole. But, I then proceed to yank the stupid arm off of her five more times before she is able to skewer my arm. While the needle is in my arm and she is injecting tuberculosis into me (probably wishing I would get it) I am wiggling my fingers back and forth when I realize that the nurse is standing directly in front of me and I am flicking my fingers back and forth on her boob. The wonderfully patient nurse says nothing and I quickly tell my fingers to stop that.

That was my visit to the doctor

Monday morning...

I was in my office working when I got a call from one of the girls that Peyton was crying and they couldn't calm him down so I went down to see what was wrong. I carried him around for a few moments before I realized that he was not moving his left arm at all. I semi-started freaking out pacing around holding him before I pulled it together, called Chris and took off for the emergency room. When we got there the dr. came in and pulled his arm all around but said that she wasn't hearing the clicking noise it should make when you pop it back in to place so she sent us for x-rays.

X-rays were awful. Chris had to pretty much climb all 6' 3" of himself and lay on Peyton on the x-ray table to keep him still. They were twisting his poor little arm all around taking pictures. They sent us back to our room for awhile and then back for more x-rays because I think they liked torturing him before diagnosing him with nursemaid elbow and sending us home promising that mobility would return little by little.

We got home and he still wasn't moving it...AT ALL. When he would fall, he wouldn't even twitch it as if he were going to catch himself. He would just fall on his face.

So, the next morning I took him to his pediatrician where he reduced (fixed) his elbow 5 more times before he said he felt it click. Peyton still wouldn't move it and would turn absolutely hysterical if the Dr even spoke in his direction. His Dr. then sent us to a pediatric er for more x-rays.

When we got there, that Dr. reduced his elbow again. Then sent us for more torturous x-rays which showed nothing again. So, they splinted his arm and referred us to a pediatric orthopedist. We went there the next day, now wednesday, and she was unable to see anything on the x-rays but thought there might be a crack somewhere. She re-splinted his arm and wants to take more x-rays this coming wednesday.

Last night, Chris was undressing him when Peyton yanked his arm clean out of the splint. Chris starts yelling frantically for me and I run up to the bathroom to find him standing there dangling Peyton's shirt in front of him with the splint still inside the sleeve and Peyton dancing like a chicken, completely butt naked and cracking up. He is moving the arm normally and back to his good old self.

This post is getting so long that I will have to update you on the rest later this week. I will also post on of Peyton in his little splint and sling because I can not find the USB cable right now.

Edgar update and spider stories

Ok. I went to the doctor on Friday and while it was not confirmed that Edgar is my inner fart, I still don't have an answer. She said that it did not feel like a hernia but she would like me to go and have an ultrasound done to make sure that there isn't any trouble going on in there. She thinks it is possibly weak abdominal muscles and my intestines can be felt through them.

Hmmm....I do believe that would be my inner fart. It would finally make sense of the bubbling feeling that Edgar sometimes has. Oh how ashamed I am. My inner fart sticking outside of my body. And to think of all the innocent people that I made touch my inner fart. Suckers!

Why must every other commercial at night be scary movie trailers? I just looked up at the tv that had fallen silent to see a big zombie guy staring back at me. Scared the inner fart out of me! Just a tidbit of random information about me. I am TERRIFIED of spiders and the dark. When I say TERRIFIED, the word in caps does the actual fear no justice. Let me tell you one of my many many horrific spider/car experiences...

Setting: Driving down a long country road in my S10.

So, I'm flying down the road on my way to work with the radio blaring Dixie Chicks and singing along like I think I'm one of them when I feel something tickle my arm. I look down to see a grand daddy long legs galloping up my arm with a blood thirsty look in all eight of his eyes. I start flailing my arm about the car while I'm screaming. I look back at my arm after I stop flailing and squawking (still flying down the road) and my arm is spider free. My heart is pumping at maybe 400 beats per minute at this point and I try to focus on the radio instead of the galloping spider image that keeps playing over and over in my head......

Got sleepy all of a sudden. It is 1:30 in the morning after all. I will keep you all in suspense for the end of the spider story. Dun dun duuuuuun