Happy mayhem

This one is for you...

2012-01-24T15:01:00.000-06:00

Devin has now seen countless people for tests and evaluations. We've run from one side of town to the other and have done everything from reciting the ABC's to getting EKG's. All of this for....ADHD and sensory integration disorder.

It is exhausting.

Since being a little girl, all of my career related dreams were always with high maintenance kids. I wanted to be a guidance counselor, a teacher, a social worker, a missionairy (hahahaha)...the list goes on and on. As it turned out, I wound up working with a program that serviced various groups of children and it took less than one year before they moved me with the inner city group. I LOVED it. I loved working with the kids that were misunderstood. I loved the ones that nobody else wanted. I loved the ones that people called bad or hopeless. Every child has the potential. Some may be broken and need some mending. But, they all have it. They need faith and that's what I was good at. Seeing the potential and helping them figure out how to release it.

Working with kids is not where it stops. Or at least that is what I've always been told and what I tell my staff. We don't just work with children. We work with the family. One of my BIGGEST rules is that if you have to tell a parent something negative about their child, you sandwich it with two positive things. You never know what is going on in their lives and how many people have come before you to 'talk' to them about their child.

All of this leads me to now. I have a new found respect for those parents. Those parents aren't just 'them' anymore....they are now included into a 'we'.

I am one of them. My child is not typical. I never thought that I would one day be on the other side of the fence but am greatful that I had the opportunity to get to know and learn from them for my own sake. I never thought that ADHD could cause so much turmoil in a childcare setting, in a family, in friendships. It affects his whole life, mine and Chris' and his brothers. And, it's not always easy. It's not easy for him. It's not easy to watch him struggle with making or keeping friends. Or struggle to keep up with his peers. It's not easy to watch him not be able to make choices like he 'should' or be responsible like he 'should'. It's not always easy for me to listen to other parents talk about how 'perfect' their children are even if I am truly happy for them.

Things could be far worse. Devin is healthy and happy but he has severe ADHD which does not allow him to function as a typical child during the school days or keep up academically. Mix that with some sensory integration disorder and he's all over the place.

I can deal with the academics. He has private tutors and we're putting some accomodations in to assist him throughout the day. He's not learning at the pace of everybody else, but he is learning. And he keeps steadily pushing forward.

But, here's the difficult part.....

People. People have been the biggest hurdle. And not just any people...but the people that I thought were supposed to be like me. The people that were supposed to see the good in my child. The people that were supposed to provide me with a shoulder to lean on and some wise words of advise. But, time and time again...that didn't happen.

People. People that you think love your child...or have their best interest...don't.

People. People who have no patience and don't understand why he doesn't just 'act right'.

People. People that want to tell you everything that you are doing wrong because they think that the parenting MUST be the problem.

People. People who treat your child differently or say thoughtless things to them. People who give them the look.

People People People People.

Sometimes good people are shitty. That's my new inspirational quote. Everybody messes up. Nobody is perfect. And at some point or another we are all shitty human beings. Some without realizing it until after and some just outright.

But, I have learned. I have learned from Devin. I have learned from myself. I have learned from people.

So, this one is for YOU...

This one is for the ones who have stood by and given me words of encouragement. You have helped me keep faith in myself and my child when others were stripping it away.

This one is for the ones who didn't have faith. Once I was able to see through the fog you have given me the will and courage to not give up.

This one is for the family members who have listened to me cry and helped me by just listening and then allowing me to talk through it by laughing about Devin-isms.

This one is for the adults who should have helped my child but instead humiliated him. You have given him an early glimpse into a world that isn't fair. You've stripped some innocence away that can't be regained. In return, he has gained empathy and can relate to the underdog.

This one is for the few that will dare to come and spend time with him. It isn't easy but he loves going places. And it gives him a break from the day to day things that start to build up.

This one is for you....

It doesn't matter if you were the encourager, the discourager or the one who didn't want to intervene because this wasn't your problem.

This one is for all of you...without the good, the bad and the ugly. We wouldn't have the zest to get to where we're going. Devin will be alright. He'll make friends. He'll one day be a productive man who will remember what it was like to be an awkward child. And hopefully he'll be all the better for it.

Thank you. All of you.

Excuse me, Can I lick your pink eye?

2011-12-15T13:22:00.000-06:00

Why am I never sick? Most people would think this is great, but it's really a curse. I'm cursed to take care of sick people. I'm cursed to never have homemade soups and hot tea. I'm cursed to never be able to lay all snug in cozy blankies on the couch with a never ending stream of tasteless reality shows on tv.

I did catch an 8 hour bug from the boys last year. But, it wasn't severe enough to put me out of commission for the entire day. Come on, flu. That's all you got?

Sinus infections...psssssh. That's not a couchable illness. Nobody looks at you with a blown out sinus filled face and says, "You'd better go home and let somebody take care of you".

I once had kidney stones. That was pretty bad. I had an extremely high fever and wasn't able to straighten myself from the intense pain. I was delirious on the couch under a mound of coats and whatever else I was able to reach, croacking out for water and sinking back into fever induced sleep.

......

I want that back.

I want to lay on the couch for an entire day while Chris does everything. I want him to make me food, bring me food and clean up my food. I want to be the remote holder and watch every episode of Sister Wives. I want him to have to tend to 3 boys who have bottomless bellies, always wanting a snack or something to drink. I want him to do bath time and bed time and bed time and bed time and bed time and bed time (for my vampire children who don't sleep).

If anybody has any good communicable diseases, send me a vile of your spit!

Attack of the vacuum

2011-12-12T11:01:00.001-06:00

Devin goes back to the Doctor's office to talk about medications this Thursday. I'm a basketcase of anxiousness and hopefulness. I wish people were more open about their children being on medication. Hearing about other's experiences is always helpful. I've got less than a handful of mom's in the same boat as me so we're flying mostly blind and with the help of google.

In happier thoughts...Christmas is coming! Flights are booked and family will be flying and driving in from all over the country. We went out Thanksgiving weekend and cut our tree down.

Yesterday I was attempting to use the vacuum hose attachment to suck up fallen pine needles from the tree skirt when the hose sucked up the tree skirt. Normally this wouldn't be a problem. You would just pull the skirt from the hose. But, you have never met MY vacuum. It's the vacuum from hell. I can't tell you how many times that sadistic sucker has found ways to maim me, blind me and regularly reek havoc on my phalanges. It's a heavy beast that is the only vacuum that has been able to hold it's own in a house of never ending dust producing projects, spills of random candies and lego toys. Chris and I have been together for almost 8 years and we have owned 4 vacuums in that time. The first three lasting all around one year before hacking out it's final fur ball and retiring to the local dump.

Not this one.

It dishes out as much abuse as I can dish. It's an eye for eye, toe for toe....or as in yesterday's case a hose for nose.

As I was precariously twisted around the branches of sappy knives trying to suck up dead pine needles, the tree skirt sucked up into the hose.

This caused a chain of reactions of the Griswald proportion.

1. Hose sucks up tree skirt.

2. Hose gets jammed with tree skirt and can no longer suck.

3. Hose that was stretched to the max recoils up on it's own suction.

4. Recoiling hose yanks vacuum across the room.

5. I turn to see vacuum roaring at me.

6. Vacuum slams into me (I think I heard it laughing too)

7. Vacuum slams me off what little balance I had.

8. Both me and vacuum fall to our sappy death.

Had anybody else been in the room with me, I probably would have been able to find more humor in it all. Instead, I was left pelting ornaments and lights back onto the bottom portion of the tree by calling the vacuum every unholy name I could think of.

ADHD. Over diagnosed or under estimated?

2011-09-29T11:13:00.004-05:00

I'm sure it's apparent from reading posts that Devin is not your typical go with the flow child. Unfortunately for him, he's my clone but to the extreme. I'm ridiculously forgetful, I have a hard time doing things that don't particularly interst me and there are times when I feel like my brain wants my body to go ten million times faster than it can. As an adult I've learned how to function (if that's what you call it) and cope with these things. For example: If I have a deadline that I have to meet I will put on headphones and listen to an interesting documentary and have an endless supply of munchies.

Devin was different since the day he was born. While most babies like to sleep the days away, Devin would stay up for hours. He started tracking objects and people with his eyes almost immediately. And the kid didn't like to be still. No, no, no, no, he did not. I would get charlie horses in the arches of my feet from bouncing around all day long. When he learned to crawl he would put his head down and speed towards his destination and at 9 months he skipped toddling around and went straight to running.

Through preschool, he struggled to keep up at the same learning rate of his peers and struggled with self control. Long story short...we found that he had severe hearing loss during preschool caused by otitis media. He underwent surgery to have tubes put in.

I now had "something to blame" for his extreme outburst behaviors and his lack of ability to keep up. His hearing loss had been around a 70% loss. He had missed out on alot and was frustrated with being an environment that he wasn't able to understand or thrive in. His preschool modified everything for him to be sure that he always was aware of what was going on and was expected of him.

Enter Kindergarten. His behaviors were still extreme. I spoke with the principal and teacher enough that year to think that I was the student again. I was at a loss. His teacher obviously did not like him AT ALL. And, he was having hearing issues again. We had to go back for another set of tubes. We struggled through the year with barely getting by grades. I was never so happy for summer as I was that year.

First grade. His teacher was wonderful. But, he still gave her a hard time...not as bad as Kindergarten but still a hard time. Towards the end of the year it was more time with the principal. Referrals for anger problems and attention problems. Suggestions of diagnosis that made my head spin out of control and left me feeling like I had ruined my child's academic career as well as any future visions of a productive life.

After two days of crying and pulling the woahs-are-us deal, I pulled my head out of me bum and got moving. We saw a counselor...went to endless meetings and was promptly referred to medication with no supportive services. While I'm not comfortable with medicine I'm not ruling out that it may help him. However, I know from experience that it isn't a wonder drug. You can't pop a pill in his mouth and expect his whole personality will change. He is who he is and he's unfortunately already learned some non-productive ways of doing things at school. I have since found a new counselor and we are in the process of getting a formal diagnosis and will then be requesting an Individual Education Plan (IEP) for Devin.

I'm not thrilled about it. When you have a baby, you envision them doing normal things in a perfect world. What is the definition of perfect? What is the definition of normal? I think my crazy guy is pretty great. And I'm going to do everything in my power to help the rest of the world see the greatness within him too!

Truly, I was way over dramatic about it. I've always said that I love Devin with a fierceness that is different than my other two children. Maybe it's because I see so much of my former awkward self in him, maybe it's because I see the looks people give him, maybe it's because of the conversations I've heard or maybe it's simply because he needs it. He needs someone to remind him that he's not alone and even when he loses faith in himself, I never will.

Who doesn't love an old poop story?

2011-09-27T15:21:00.004-05:00

Here's an old one that I found and couldn't resist posting. Why? Because it is about one of my all time favorite subjects.... POOOOOO

Ah. The joys of being stuck in times of old with a septic tank and little boys who love to flush things.

Here in the northeast, we finally had a break in the cold weather and the temps hit the 50′s! Great for cold spirits…bad for all the snow that melted into our backyard, which is where the septic tank beds are.

For those of you who are not familiar with the septic tank. The definition according to google is..septic tank n. A sewage-disposal tank in which a continuous flow of waste material is decomposed by anaerobic. Or in layman’s terms…all our excrement flows into a 1,000 gallon tank located underneath the trampoline in the backyard where it supposedly breaks itself down allowing for more excrement to be packed in. This makes for a good read during supper….

While anaerobics (I have no idea what this means, but makes me envision turds in neon leotards) are going on, the tank does need to be emptied. The rule is generally, for two people in a household you get it done every 5 years. For 5 people, every two years. Well, we have six people and frequent out of town visitors throughout the year…..and it hadn’t been done in 4 years. Is the post title starting to give you a visual yet?

On Saturday, my dad texted Chris' phone to let him know that a sewer smell was coming from his pipes and said it was probably time to get the tanks sucked out. No problem. By Sunday, the smell emanating from the bathroom showed itself. The toilet had backed up and there was raw sewage floating around, stankin’ up the place. Not a problem, right? Sewage goes in the toilet, so aside from the smell it wasn’t too bad. We went into crisis mode utilizing the water at a bare minimum.

Sunday night brought another snow storm that lasted into Monday and had all of us praying that it didn’t keep the ‘sucker guy’ away. We lucked out and he showed up first thing in the morning after I had left Chris and the boys home to ‘take care of duty’. About halfway through my work day I receive an email from Chris that read, “need to rent snack for train”. What?!?!?!?! I’m at work and him and the boys are going on a train ride! Ok, it was a frantic text full of typos that after calling him translated into, ‘It’s not the tank causing the back up and we need to rent a commercial length pipe snake to correct/unclog the drains.’

After the ‘sucker guy’ had left, Chris started the dishwasher, clothes washer and flushed all the toilets that were full of almost 24 hours worth of (gag). He went to check out my dad’s bathroom when he realized that sometimes the Shit really does hit the fan. Little did we know that little boys can flush things that create a clog. All of the water in the house, including the toilets, was shooting out of my dad’s toilet and shower like a shit spewing volcano.

I’ll stop the story there. Needless to say, I left work to come home and help clean the mess and help him snake the pipes. Love…it’s all about standing side by side with rubber gloves on picking up mushy poop and trying to figure out what it's in it.

My Not Me Pig Roast

2011-09-27T11:17:00.000-05:00

Nevermind the man behind the curtain. Or the random jibberish from the previous post below. The conveniences of handy blogging are also convenient for my youngest. I downloaded the blogger app on my ipod touch to stay up on the bloggy world. I guess he wants to make his presence known also. I thought about deleting it but it makes me giggle, so it stays.

While browsing over past blog posts I came across my My Not Me Friday post and decided that the annual family pig roast shall be narrated likewise.

No pigs were harmed in the making of this pig roast. Except for this one. We ate him.

This past weekend was NOT our family's annual pig roast.

I did NOT call Chris and have him bring me blueberry lemonade smirnoff on his way over. I did NOT decide to open one to drink before eating. I did NOT decide to keep on drinking since I had already started.

My aunt does NOT have a giant hammock-like swing hanging high in the branches for the kids to swing on. I did NOT get nailed by said giant hammock swing while pushing kids causing me and my blueberry lemonade to launch and skid across the yard. My shoulder does NOT still feel like it might fall off from NOT grabbing onto the swing and NOT letting it jerk me off the ground so that I could NOT swing kids higher.

This is NOT my grandma. You should NOT feel sorry for her!

I assure that I did NOT run up to people snapping obnoxious photos of myself with them. I have way more class than that. Speaking of class, Peyton did NOT stand behind me and break wind as I was talking to family friends. I did NOT fail to hold in my laughter and then try to claim the broken wind as my own! Who would do such thing. NOT me!

As the sun went down so did the supply of smirnoff that Chris brought. All 6 of them. After I did NOT crack open my fifth blueberry lemonade I plopped myself down to NOT watch a competitive game of cornhole. I did NOT pull off an oompa loompa cartwheel attempting to stand up. I did NOT try to pretend like I had done that oompa loompa cartwheel on purpose. If I had, I think I would have fooled them.

I did NOT decide that I needed to play cornhole with Chris, Tommy and theonly other drunk people at the party. Tommy did NOT tell me that I was only mildly offensive the next day but that it was alright since my sentences were NOT half missing, jumbled and slurred. Chris did NOT try to nail me like a carnival game with cornhole bags for cheating and I did NOT call my conservative aunt Achmed.

And finally, Chris did NOT have to take me home early so that I wouldn't make a fool of my NOT thirsty self.

2011-09-25T09:05:00.001-05:00

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Nuby starts school

2011-09-21T10:03:00.001-05:00

Another school year has begun and with the new wave, my second child has been sucked out to the sea of school never to return to the days of all play. Sad, but exciting. He was in his glory on the first day of school getting to wear his new Lightning McQueen book bag that comes complete with a plastic hood attached to the top. He jumped on the bus and didn't even look back. The school does all of their "testing" on the first day and then decides which classrooms they will be placed in. We got the call at the end of the week to let us know that he was going to be placed into the same classroom that Devin had in Kindergarten. If you all remember...Devin's first year of school was awful.

By the end of the second week in his classroom, he was in full crazed mode about not wanting to go to school. He was crying and refusing to get on the bus. He couldn't fall asleep at night. And the principal even had to chase him in circles around me and then drag him into the school, all while he was screaming at me to help him. It was awful. I cried the whole way to work and I'm sure he cried for quite a while too.

When his attitude towards school continued to get worse instead of better my aunt and I went up to the school to request a room/teacher change. The principal was happy to oblige in light of all of the issues we had with Devin. Christopher's outlook on school changed over night. Literally. Overnight. After his first day in his new class he no longer cried. He went to bed fine. He still says it's boring but he's not afraid. He told me that his new teacher "is a lot a bit nicer". And that makes me sleep better at night too.

The sweet smell of manure

2011-08-17T14:19:00.000-05:00

My dad was and still is one of the hardest working men I know, although Chris runs a close second (he is ALWAYS doing something). He worked long third shift hours at a local auto plant and would leave the plant for his second job; exercising and taking care of horses at Olin's horse farm before coming home to eat, sleep and prepare to do it all over again.

Since he was always working, sleeping, eating or preparing for one of these...our time with him growing up was limited and like any children we silently followed him with eagle eyes to see what/where he was doing and going and to try to figure out how we could tag along. The few and far between weekend trips where he would wake me up as the sun was just starting to rise is still one of my fondest childhood memories. He'd wake me up with his usual to the point gruffness usually giving a time limit to when 'the train was leaving'. We'd silently walk to his old two door faded brown blazer, with the bumper sticker saying "I build GM, I drive GM" and pull out of the driveway with the worn shocks groaning and squeaking with every bump and sway. I don't recall any specific conversations, but I am sure that I chattered on about anything that would pop into my head and I'm sure that my dad answered with his usual head nods and nose snuffs praying that I would just shut up for once.

It wasn't a long drive to the farm and when we arrived we would pull down the once gravel but mostly dirt driveway to park by the horse barn on the back of the property. You could hear the sound of the horses neighing and pawing at the ground with their hooves anticipating the arrival of food, attention and the chance to escape from their stalls. I'd kick and push my door open, hop out and wait for Dad to gather his riding helmet, goggles and other supplies before wandering off.

The farm was freedom. There weren't many rules. Don't walk behind the horses. Don't overfeed the horses. And most importantly, don't get in dad's way. He would get to work feedind and watering all the horses. Rotating them out of their stalls and into the pasture to roam, onto the exercise tether, riding them around the track or taking them down to the lake for swimming.

While he did all this I would rotate to stay out of his way. There were umpteen cats and a dog to play with and a lean-to with piles of sawdust that were bigger than all of the horses put together. Bales of hay could be stacked and unstacked to make tunnels, forts, make-believe horses and steps to heaven and bath tubs that were plugged up and full of the water. A swing was fastened to one side of the merry-go-round so as the horses exercised in their circle you could ride along with them. Fields with grass as tall as myself were available for running and making 'paths'and there was enough dirt to sufficiently cover my entire body before leaving. Sometimes Olin's granddaughter was there with her dad and I would have someone to play with. We would sneak into Olin's house, filled with antiques and pretend that the cubby holes were space ships.

I can still remember the smells of the farm. The horses. The hay. The feed. The fields. (The poop) The dust. I can hear my dad's voice talking to the horses. The signature, "Aay" that would come from the bottom of his throat if a horse wasn't doing as it should. Which was also the same "Aay" that my both my grandma and grandpa used on us grandkids. And is now the same, "Aay" that I catch myself using on my boys.

At the age of 11 or 12 I learned to drive in Olin's field. While dad and Olin's son were hogbrushing the field, my stepmom gathered old horse blankets to puff me up enough to see over the dashboard of the old blazer. I climbed in, arranged myself and after alot of engine revving, hopping and giggling I finally got the hang of manuevering the clutch and gas pedals to make the truck go. I learned to hold the truck steady on a hill without using the brakes. I learned to shift without giving myself whiplash. I learned to dodge holes in the field. It was one of those unforgettable I-am-the-stuff proud moments.

Times change and as the years went on, Dad no longer needed to work at Olin's farm.

Today, Olin's farm no longer has horses. I'm not even sure if Olin is still alive. I vaguely think I remember my dad talking about his failing health years ago. I don't see horses anymore when I drive by the farm. Instead I see an old advertising sign with mismatched letters pointing to the open field and speaking of approaching community garage sales. The gravel driveway is an overgrown memory with only the missing curb on the road as evidence that it once existed.

It's funny how life changes but also repeats. I see my boys with the same eagerness to follow Chris around and help except instead of horses, it's fixing things. Yesterday, Nuby and Devin were having a discussion about how old they needed to be to go with Daddy to the Rental Corral (they determined it was 5, so Peyton couldn't go). Their favorite place to go is Home Depot. They watch him from across the yard waiting to be called to assist with the same eagle eyes that I remember having myself. I wonder if when they grow up, they'll be whisked back to their childhood and be wrapped in the warmth of happy nostalgia.

Happy New Year.

2011-02-11T13:34:00.000-06:00

To update everyone and leave off where my last post ended.

The feud is over. It came to a head the week after Christmas when more people got involved. And, like I'm always compelled to do, I stuck up for the underdog...which just so happened to be the very friend who had decided that I had ruined her life.

In the end, she came over and we were able to talk about each and every snarky, nasty blow that we spat back and forth at each other. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I suppose it needs to be heard every now and then to keep us in check. The important thing is that we both apologized for wrongs that had been done and accepted that things will never be perfect, but will always be workable....unless she snarks out some of the things like she did last time. Then, I may be liable for chopping her face off! I kid, I kid.

My neighbors and best friends finally (after years of everyone waiting) got divorced. It's been an adjustment for all of us. She moved about 10 minutes away and he is still there. The kids go back and forth each week. There's no way to explain it, other than wierd. Wierd for me to not have her there. Wierd for the kids to not have their friends. Wierd to go over to a completely different house. Not necessarily bad...but wierd.

Other than that, I don't really have anything eventful to report. I do believe in the short near future, I will be changing blog addresses and attempting to blog all of my whole life stories/events that were significant to me or just stick out as funny. My life is usually anything but boring and I don't want to forget anything. But, would like to spell it all out a bit more anonymously. Leave me a comment if you wish to follow in the future and I will send you the new URL when it's out. I also think I'll be leaving blogspot. The layout issues are driving me crazy.

Obsessed, grace-less and stuck in a rut

2010-11-30T11:44:00.001-06:00

I'm not even sure where to start without giving away too much information. I guess it would be safe to say that I had a falling out with a very good friend, a friend I've had for over 10 years. One who has been there for the births of all of my children. One who we shared similiar paths in life in more ways than one. One who I valued and loved and still do.

Through the years, we all grew. We found people to share our lives with instead of just dating, we had our own children instead of babysitting, we found careers instead of just something to get some cash with. We moved into homes with yards and bought lawn mowers and had cook outs and family get togethers. We were still a tight knit circle....dysfunctional at (most) times but still tight knit.

Between my family and friends, I think I now associate the word dysfunctional with love and friendship.

The falling out....

I was already overly flustered and angry. I called my friend to update her on the flustering situation, to which she said she was mad at ME for! I lost my temper and yelled, and my loudness was splattered with obscenities. My mouth was crapping out more than I could hold in. It was bitter. That I will admit to. I was overly frustrated and angry. I immediately knew that I had messed up.
Silence followed......I half commented/ half inquired that I had been mean.? My friend confirmed and said she was getting off the phone.

The texting war ensued. I was careful to keep my tongue and not let it loose again. The things she said were hurtful and attacking. Things that weren't even like her. I will admit that I spewed back, but was careful to not attack anything personally about them or any of their character flaws. Angry wasn't even the word for what I was feeling...at that time it was pure hatred. How dare she blow this all out of proportion...and then attack me and Chris! In the end, I texted to let her know if she wanted to blame us that was fine, hurtful words weren't helping anything. We would be gone. She said she was walking away from me and chris...not the kids. I agreed.

And that was it....just like that. Everything was done and over. No more friendships. No more get togethers. Nothing........

Two weeks later, I haven't let it go. I'm angry, bitter and hurt. I rotate between the three. I don't understand how I am the complete raging lunatic and this time Chris just keeps saying, It's going to be Ok. That makes me angry at him. For what reason, I have no idea. Rational thoughts have left me.

I don't like when people are angry with one another or fighting for any reason. It makes me anxious until it's resolved. I often stick my nose in where it shouldn't be to try to mend things or get people to try to put themselves in the other person's shoes. But, this time I am the other person. And, in all it's ridiculousness, I do understand why my friend would say such mean things. I can understand her feelings, even if I don't agree with them. The awful thing is, I can't be the voice of reason since I am the enemy.

She has discarded me. I can't seem to get past this. Our close knit group was comprised of mostly her family members. Which she let me know...was HERS, not mine. That hurt. That was probably the most hurtful thing she said, besides blaming my husband for basically ruining her family. There is a birthday party coming up, which will be held next door to our house. The anxiety of it has invaded my dreams. I don't think I can go. I can't face them. I can't face the whole family. Not yet. I don't think I can muster enough pride to sit and face them all looking at me, judging me, blaming me. I can't take sitting there while friend ignores me. I can't take feeling taunted....

I know I should just bow out gracefully while I have a few strands of dignity left. Grace has left me. Rational thoughts have left me. I want my group back. I want my friends back. I want my little family back. Everything is changing and I hate it.

It's a thin line

2010-11-19T13:10:00.000-06:00

between productivity and laziness. Or at least it is for me. Why must it be all or nothing? Most people clean each day. They do their daily chores, put things away when they are done with them, utilize hampers and sleep in beds instead of on couches.

With Chris on third shift and noone coming to visit me anymore, my house has been a war zone. I truly hate cleaning. I would much rather spend my time doing whatever I want to do. And that pretty much boils down to everything BUT cleaning!

Chris comes home from work and goes straight to bed in the morning after waking me up. He then sleeps until Devin gets home. When I get home with Nuby and Peyton in the evening, he's usually still in waking up mode. I spend some time with Devin, usually pick up the living room and kitchen quickly while Chris either runs to get us food or makes us something. We eat, play with the kids for a little bit, put them to bed and then Chris leaves.

Once he leaves, I do NOTHING. I put on my jammies, make a coccoon on the couch and watch endless episodes of The Nanny.

I need to snap out of it and get my arse into gear! Any suggestions?

Blower (snicker)

2010-11-08T10:12:00.003-06:00

Fall. What a wonderful time of year. The air turns crisp and starts to nip at your nose and ears. Kids all get to dress up in costumes and collect free candy from strangers. The first frost comes and the leaves all turn the most magnificent colors....and this is all done while the trees strategically crap hoards of before-mentioned-leaves-gone-dead onto your yard.

Leaves, leaves, leaves....most people start raking, blowing (snicker), sucking, burning, throwing away leaves little by little as they fall. Not this guy! I wait until every one of them is on the ground. Aaaaand...they are now all down.

We are in the final days of halfway decent weather. So, while watching the kids enjoy these last days on our multi leaf covered lawn, I decided that I wanted to be productive and re-discover our yard.

Me (yells from other side of yard): "Chraaaaaaas, Where's the leaf blower?"
Chris (lifts head, looks semi annoyed at the obvious answered question): Garage
Me (I see he's not getting the hint): "Can you get it for me?"
Chris (Stares at me)
Me (Does my best to look sweet and innocent. Can feel lip curling up, nose scrunching in a beast like manner and eyes squinting. Standing in the sun is not helping my cause)
Chris (Sighs, drops what he was being productive with to help me on my productive way. He gets out and unrolls two extensions cords, plugs everything in, straightens everything across the yard so I don't get tangled and hands me the leaf blower)
Me (While he does all this, I stay in my same spot that I yelled from and wait for my ~~royal~~ ~~slave~~ loving husband to bring me my leaf weapon)

Our front yard is pretty big and we do have numerous trees...which in turn produce craploads of leaves. Add into that the fact that they were all soggy on the bottom layers from the morning's melted frost...and I probably should have just used a damn rake. But, my lazy ass kept justifying in my head that leaf blowers were made after rakes, therefore MUST be better. Right?

I blew and blew and blew (snicker) until my arms were vibrating, my ears were ringing and I was using my uterus (heh...who knew it was good for other things too?) to maintain some stability to keep the blower from careening completely out of control. In addition to my vibrating arms and ears...I now feared that my reproductive organs might vibrate out, fall down my pant leg and be blown into the woods, buried in a mountain of crunchy leaves to probably then be eaten by a deer. And who says I never did anything to contribute to the great outdoors?

I blew with such intensity (snicker) and concentration that 45 minutes into it, I realized that I was chewing the sides of my tongue raw. Don't judge, everyone has a wierd tic they do when they concentrate. Mine just happens to be chewing on the sides of my own tongue similiar to how one would chew gum.

Chris eventually came over and took the blower to help out. I jittered over to a tree and sat watching him blow (snicker snicker). After a few minutes, I ~~jumped up~~ managed to drag my ass off the ground and hobble over to take the blower back. This was my mission... My battle... My war...

And................

I lost. End of story. A little short of halfway through the front yard, I caved and gave up. This morning I woke up and my back still hurts, my forearms ache and I'm wondering if the leaves will be removed from the yard or if they will stay until the snow thaws.

ps. I left the blower in the driveway for Chris to unplug, wrap up the cords and put everything away. All while he grumbled about my not so productive productiveness. He loves me. Maybe I'll have him get everything out for me to continue next weekend...

NaBloPoMo just sounds dirty, doesn't it.

2010-11-06T08:44:00.001-05:00

Like some kind of deranged perverted telli tubby!

I just needed to get that out and in front. I guess I picked the right month to rejoin the blogosphere. I have so much to tell and with the excuse of the National Blog Post Month, I can write every day!

I believe all of my loyal followers came to facebook with me and have been following along there. But, for those of you who haven't, I got hitched! That's right, took me thirty years but I finally found someone ~~dumb~~ smart enough to see how wonderful I am.

We were engaged over 5 years ago, have planned and cancelled two weddings, have damn near killed each other, have laughed, have loved, have cried, and most important of all, we have found our way...together.

Since I am 30, we do have three kids and have been living together for 6 years...I decided it was better for us to do an out of town wedding with just our family and closest mutual friends. This meant that I had to cut our original list from 350 to 100 or less. It wasn't really as hard as a anticipated. I did go over by about 40 some guests, but luckily alot of people don't want to travel.

We were married at a chapel in the woods. It was extremely remote. No cell phone coverage, no wifi and no GPS signal. It was great. For the most part, everyone came and stayed all weekend. I can't decide if I had more fun the day before the wedding or on the actual wedding.

The weekend was nothing short than magical. It makes me very sad to think that I will never ever ever have all my family and friends all in one spot like that again. Big buffet style meals, drinking games at night. Kids galloping in hoards together.

Chris' oldest brother was shaking. I'm not sure if he was nervous about being so close to my chest region or if I was just that damn heavy. Either way...I thought I was going down at any second.

My daddy.

Sucker! I now own half of your soul!

The boys had a blast! They weren't too fond of picture taking though. So, I didn't press the issue.

Notice the cake on Chris' forehead. My ONE (really, you believed me when I said one?) rule I had that day was not to shove cake in my face. The one day of my life I make an attempt to look decent and what did he do? He shoved the cake in my face. While he gently smushed icing on my cheek, I pelted my slice at mach 10 where it didn't just hit him in the head, but was more like embedded into his skull. Take that! Oh yeah, the half of the soul that I own....it's grounded when we get home!

Nobody should ever give me a microphone when bon jovi is on. I'm a loooooooaded guuuuuun. Yeah.

This is now my all time favorite picture of me and my little brother. This picture sums it all up.

Pre-cake being thrown. My mom spent ridiculous amounts of money on this cake. Poor cake collapsed on it's way to the wedding.

A weekend full of keg stands, more laughing than my sides could handle, arm wrestling, rafter pull ups, dogs, cabins, grilling, enough beer to fill a few pools and I cried halfway to South Carolina when we left. I couldn't believe it was over. Me and Chris both agreed that we should have skipped the honeymoon and stayed in the cabins with all of our families and just had a good time.

My next few posts will be a break down of the events of the weekend and the wonderful fun memories we all got to make and take home with us.

Hello?

2010-11-05T21:06:00.003-05:00

UPDATE: I've narrowed it down to people not using internet explorer are the ones who see my blog all messed up like. Still trying to figure out how to fix this!

I had someone tell me that it was difficult for them to read my blog and it was all jumbled and full of computer lingo....is anybody else seeing this?

And does anyone have any suggestions?

Cleaning up after the war

2010-11-05T14:44:00.003-05:00

Much has happened during the past year.

Devin (and myself) survived his (our) first year of Kindergarten. I do have to tell you all...it was hell. At the beginning of the school year, I had visions of dancing and twirling in slow motion with his teacher through endless fields of flowers with nothing but blue skies over head and the leafy green trees clapping us along in the breeze.............................SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH. BumP

That was the sound of my dream being ran over and killed. My visions left me ill prepared for the year long turmoil and battle. Perhaps I placed too much faith in mankind or teachers or the whole school system. But, who wouldn't? Aren't you supposed to be able to trust your child's teacher's judgement? I did. Even when I didn't fully understand it, I backed her recommendations 100% in hopes that the year would turn progressive and Devin would start moving along.

But, week after week, Devin would get off the bus with his head already hanging down because he had another bad day. Siiiiiigh. There's nothing worse than watching your child's self worth diminish. Well, I'm sure there is, but last year...there wasn't.

Have I ever mentioned to you all the hatred I have for the color system that is used in the school systems. It varies from school to school in appearance. Some teachers try to call it the stop light system like that is supposed to make humilation more fun. Basically, each child starts on green. If they violate a rule, they are called upon to walk to the front of the room and move their marker to yellow which serves as a warning. If another violation is made they move to blue which serves as a note home. If another violation is made they move to red which results in a visit to the principal. However, there is no standard set of rules of use and teachers can move you to whatever color they want whenever. The color system was the bane of mine and Devin's existence last year...along with his teacher who I finally figured out had a personal vendetta against my then 6 year old.

I could fill this whole blog with Devin's Kindergarten adventures and how every faculty member in that school now knows both me and my child by first name. I could fill posts with the countless visits I made to his school to speak with librarian's, paraprofessionals, his teacher and the principal. But, I'll let them filter out little by little as my mood suits me.

Last year was hard. This year has kicked off swimmingly (I've really been wanting to use that word lately)! His teacher works very well with Devin. His new tutor works well with Devin. The paraprofessionals work well with Devin. I keep holding my breath waiting for the ball to drop, but so far it hasn't.

A few things I learned last year...

I had to learn that my child does read people and that just because someone is older than him doesn't make him wrong.

I learned that adults are more judgemental and less patient than I gave them credit for.

I learned that not all adults are as judgemental and impatient as I was learning.

I learned that even though I'm only one person, I can stand up to an entire school and make a change.

I learned that I may not have a degree but that doesn't make me inferior and that I CAN stand up.

I learned that you need to hold the tears in until you get to the car or at least outside of the office! (learned that the hard way)

I learned that it's hard to put your foot down when snot is running in your mouth, you can't see through the tears and the principal can't understand anything blubbering out of your fat mouth.

I learned that my (then fiancee) husband argues how I do things at home but will back me 150% when push comes to shove. (Usually to the point that I would NOT allow him to go to school meetings with me)

I learned that second guessing myself doesn't make me a crap-ass parent. It means that I care and allows me to re-assess myself.

I learned to lean on the people who love my kids, the ones who always see the positive. Their love for Devin helped me when I felt like I was battling a negativity laser beam reflecting it's red dot on the center of Devin's forehead.

I learned that when Nuby starts school next year that I will be prepared for whatever the school may throw at me. But, with his laid back personality, it probably won't be much.

Oh, the stories to tell you all!

Not to leave out Nuby and Peyton...

They are both doing wonderful. They both attend preschool together now. Nuby is slowly converting Peyton over to the dark side of being an insomniac with him. Will I ever sleep? All three of them are getting so big so quick. They all walk, talk, wipe their own butts and feed themselves. What's a mom to do with herself.....oh yeah, blog.

Till tomorrow...or whenever my friends.

Jump Rope for Heart follow up

2010-11-04T15:30:00.005-05:00

I had given up attempting to keep up with blogging and had abandoned happy mayhem and settled for reading a few blogs here and there until recently. I spent the past two days blogging old posts, reminiscing and laughing. I've decided to return, if for no other reason than to get my memories down on print for later remembering.

Obviously, much has transpired since my last post and I'll try to keep my posts short and recap one at a time to not bore you (if anyone) out.

I'll leave off where I left off.

Devin's Jump Rope for Heart.... Don't forget to pause the music at the bottom of the page before playing the video.

I've included the youtube video in case anybody hadn't seen it. I would have loved if his webpage was still active, but it's not. Please make note of my my professional jumper jumps without his rope. hahahaha

When we started we set the goal with the lowest goal they would allow~$50. I figured that was alot of money for one boy to raise and figured that I would more than likely end up donating the majority of it.

So, with Devin's eagerness pushing me along, we made his website and posted it around 9 o'clock at night. By the next morning we had already exceeded that goal. So, I raised the new goal to $100. Through the generosity of family, friends and people that I have never and will never meet...Devin raised over $700. Little by little his website thermometer exceeded and poured out.

Every day we would check to see where we were at and every day I was left speechless. The greatest thing was that Devin could have cared less about the gifts that came with each tier of donations he met. I did call the school to see if I could come and get video footage of the actual jump-a-thon to post to all of the givers, but they wouldn't allow it since there would be other children in the video. He also couldn't believe how much Devin had raised. He raised more than anyone had in the eleven years he had been coordinating all of Austintown's jump rope for heart events.

As a mother, I could not have been more proud watching my son make an earnest attempt to save "sick heart". As a person, I was moved beyond words at the generosity that people gave to support the legacy of Shawn and the heart of a young boy.

For those of you who donated or followed Devin's heart journey...I thank you!

Help Devin jump for Shawn Coin and hearts around the world!

2010-04-27T20:23:00.003-05:00

As my few followers have read, one of my best friends lost her husband two years ago this August. He had a heart condition that went undetected and was ultimately the reason for his passing.

I was with my friend, Jenny Coin the day that her husband Shawn Coin that day. We were closely intertwined after that. Naturally, my oldest son, Devin who was then four was very curious...almost obsessed with why Mr. Shawn's heart was 'sick' after that. He was afraid that everyone's heart was going to get 'sick'. He would warn his grandma against the dangers of smoking because her heart was 'gonna get nasty'. He was always asking people about there heart and doing everything he could think to ensure that everyone's heart would be ok.

Two years later, Devin has not forgotten. He is now 6 years old and is attending Kindergarten with all the other big kids. Devin now has the opportunity to do something with a measurable impact for the American Heart Association.

Tonight we sat down and talked about if he wanted to participate in the Jump Rope for Heart that his school was having. We talked about what it meant to be a part of it and how the money that he earned by working hard and not giving up would go to help other people who may have 'sick hearts' or may help prevent 'hearts from ever getting sick'. He helped me write out his page and even got teary talking about how excited he was to be able to help. His innocence, compassion and eagerness are truly breath taking. His heart is so big and he feels for everyone with his entire little being. He knows no maliciousness or evil. His heart is deep, his eyes are wide and his goal is set on making sure that he does everything his little body possibly can to help in the fight against heart disease.

Devin is participating in the Jump Rope for Heart Program. He is very excited! His goal is to raise $50.00. Please click on the link and check out his page. Share in a young boy's compassion to help others...he's got the drive to help...let's help him get there!

http://honor.americanheart.org/site/TR/JumpforHeart/JRFH-GRA?px=2166986&pg=personal&fr_id=1281

Please click on the link above to visit Devin's page and read his story. Help a little boy make a difference! Donations can be made online right from his page. or click on the link below to read Jenny Coin's blog.

http://taleoftwocoins.blogspot.com/

Goodbye Old Friend

2010-01-19T13:34:00.002-06:00

UPDATE: 1/20/2010- I think I'm finally over the feeling that I might run out to find a dog turd covered cigarette butt out of the snow to microwave and then smoke.

I've been delaying this post until I knew I could actually do it. I have have made it now through a day and a half of no smoking. I wasn't an official official smoker smoker. I was an after hours out of sight smoker closet smoker. And with my get-yer-ass-in-gear turning 30 year, I've decided that would be my first bad habit to get rid of. I had decided that I was quitting last week. But, somehow found little friends still around the house that would follow me and jump into my hands.

Yesterday was the day I had not-a-one.

Dear mentholated goodness,

After a long affair, I am sorry to say that I have to give you up. It's not because I don't love you and love the way I feel when I'm with you. You're just no good for me anymore. Your love hurts me. Yesterday, I didn't see you at all. It gave me an anxious feeling. I paced around the house looking for things to keep me busy so that I wouldn't think of you. I did tae-bo with the kids, cleaned the vents and played on the computer. I tried not to look in the back yard at "our" spot.

I found myself snapping at poor Chris for no reason. I was looking to pick a fight. I called him awful names and pointed out every flaw he's ever had since he was 2. That was followed by a swift heel to the thigh-charlie horse. He decided that he would be better off talking to his brother on the phone all night. I think that was a good decision on his behalf. I sat staring at the tv, stewing.

I laid in bed just staring at the ceiling. I had the awful nagging feeling that I was forgetting something important, but I knew it was you. Giving you up has left a hole in my heart. You have been with me through thick and through thin. When I was angry...you paced with me. When I was sad...you listened. When I was happy...your smoke danced around. You kept me company wherever I went. And now, I've let you down.

This morning I was driving to work and there were reminders of you everywhere. The gas station, the drug store, the convenient store, the drive thru's...You were waving at me seductively from car windows...wisping out, curling and then disappearing leaving only a memory. I know that you've probably already moved on to somebody else. I'm just a money figure to you. But, I loved you. I loved everything about you. I loved the way you smelled when you were fresh. And I loved the way you felt in my lungs. I loved the way you always gave me something to do when I was bored.

But, as I said before...love hurts. And you, Marlboro Smooth, are out of the picture.
Farewell, old friend.

The logic of Chris

2010-01-06T14:33:00.002-06:00

Shower time in our house is after the kids go to bed each night.

The other night Chris goes up to the bathroom for his nightly shower. I am downstairs watching TV when he pops his head out of the bathroom with a confused look on his face.

"Babe, come here and look at this." He whispers, even though it's just the two of us.

"I'm watching this. What do you want?" While never taking my eyes off the tv.

"I think they're shrinking!" He's now holding onto the bathroom door frame while craning his neck out as far as it will reach towards the living room.

Now he's got my attention. Now, I'm cracking up yelling at him. "What the hell are you talking about? It's freaking winter outside. Don't they all shrink in the cold? How the hell old are you that you haven't figured that out yet?"

He now pops out of the bathroom hopping in circles in the hallway pointing at his hips. "My underwear are shrinking, look at the red circle around me. They're shrinking!"

"You dumbass!" Somehow the memory of the ten million cookies, sweets and holiday meals must have slipped his mine and shrinking elastic seemed like a logical explanation.

The year of 30

2010-01-05T15:56:00.002-06:00

That's right...this year I will finally turn 30.

I never ever ever had a problem with the thought of turning 30. 30 isn't old...it's just another year, right? That was my mindset until today. I just realized that I will turn 30 this year and that means I'm no longer immortal....or something like that.

I can feel the cigarette build up in my lungs causing my lungs to swell up, constricting air flow while bulging out and pushing on my heart that is full of umpteen years of double cheeseburgers and cheesy beefy melts while trying to pump the blood that is made up of mostly salsitas cheese sauce by now. All being fueled on by coca-cola.

So, with my new found fear of my body giving out...I think I might try to take care of it. But, I'm not sure how to start. I don't cook, so I'm really limited to eating whatever Chris puts on my plate. And, I don't think I have the will power to give up my bag of popcorn covered in garlic salt and parmesean cheese a night. Maybe I should start with exercising or something. I've tried it in the past and even managed to stick it out for like a week!

Any suggestions of where to start? And give me some kind of realistic benchmark here people. Keep in mind that I do work and have three kids. So, I am most definately NOT getting up to do a morning jog at 6. Or at any point in the morning. I wish I had me a sweatin' to the oldies tape.

Big Stretch

2010-01-04T19:06:00.002-06:00

YAAAAAAAAAAAWN and STREEEEEEEEEETCH.

That was a nice blogging rest.

This is just a quick note to say that I am back and will try to stick with it. I don't know if I have anything of interest to write about.

It's finally snowing here and just when I thought I was going to be able to take the little rascals sled riding, all three of them start projectile vomiting all over my house. They were nice enough to time it so that none of them were puking at the same time though. How thoughtful of them. They all started puking about 30 hours apart. I'm now sitting here with my third puker, who puked on my walls, rug, floors, carpets, blankets and couch today. I thankfully did not get puked on. Tomorrow, he'll be home with Chris and I'll be at work. Happy to be somewhere that doesn't smell of bile and poo.

Christmas was great. There isn't anything better than being home with family. I had family come in from Columbus, Ohio..New Mexico, Missouri and Jacksonville, Florida! It was so great spending time with everyone. We all went out for drinks one night. First time I've been out for drinks since the Christmas before that when everyone was up. Just like the year before, I had three glasses of wine and was completely and totally hammered. Had to focus on road signs on the way home to not think I was going to fall out of the car into a ditch and promptly gave up my guts when I got home. A complete replay of last year's outing with the cousins. Maybe one day I'll learn to just drink two glasses of wine. Or maybe I'll puke every year.

---------Pause to take care of puking kid and clean up puke---------

My little brother moved to Florida and was unable to take his new puppy with him so we are foster parents to a rottweiler now. He's a huge pain in the butt. We LOVE him! The kids are going to be so sad when he leaves. I secretly will too.

Ok...so I'm going to try the post every day in the month thing. I'm not going to totally commit to it because I'm a lazy flarp and I might just flop. But, here's to 2010. Anybody doing anything fun to ring in the new?

United by dance

2009-10-11T14:37:00.002-05:00

You need to scroll down to the bottom and mute the music play list before watching! This video is well worth the watch.

I found this video on youtube and I was completely sucked into it.

Devin starts Kindergarten

2009-08-31T20:23:00.007-05:00

First off....Does anybody pay attention to when I change my music to match each post? Or, am I just amusing myself? Either way....I'm going to keep doing it.

Today was the end of Devin's baby stage and the beginning of his big kid stage. I have always dreaded the day he would start Kindergarten. Since I work in childcare, all of my boys are with me or with people that I trust (and control, he he he) 24 hours a day. But, today I sent him out to a whole new world with people I don't know to a place that I'm not allowed to follow. To boot, I sent him in a vehicle that is driven by another stranger.

He has been so excited to start riding the big kid bus and go to big kid school and learn big kid things and eat big kid lunch. But, last night he got bigkiditis. We layed in his bed at bedtime talking about the next day and he was scared. My fearless ball of energy was scared. And that broke my heart. I hate that I don't have all the answers and that I can't be there to walk him each step of the way. This was part of our conversation last night.

Devin.....Mom, who's gonna get me off the bus when I get to school?

Me......I'm sure there will be adults and teachers who will be there to tell you where to go, Dev.

Devin.....What if Cadence isn't with me? (Cadence is his friend next door. They are the same age and have grown up together)

Me....That's ok if she's not with you because you're big now and you get to make lots of new friends.

Devin....(starting to tear up) But, I'll miss her.

Me.....That's ok. You'll still see her on the bus every day. And maybe you'll see her at lunch and when you play outside.

And then I sang him his song that I made up for him at the hospital when he was born.

Don't cry, baby Devin

Don't cry, mama's here

Don't cry, baby Devin

I'll always be near.

I'll love you in the morning

I'll love you at night

So, don't cry, baby Devin. I'll be by your side.

Then, I talked to him some more and he fell asleep while I was in mid sentence. This morning...I slept in of course. Luckily, my neighbors came to bring me coffee and woke us up. We got Devin ready, fed him breakfast, brushed the teeth, got dressed and headed to wait for the bus. When he got on and started driving away, I started crying and laughing saying, "They're gonna lose him".

Well......at 2:30 this afternoon the school called me. They didn't exactly lose him in a physical sense, but they lost him in the system. There was some kind of glitch that they couldn't figure out. After a couple calls with the school secretary they found him, but they said that he couldn't ride the bus until it was straightened out. Lucky for me, that meant I got to pick him up from school!

I waited outside with about 35 other families and the herd of car riders/walkers started pouring out the doors. It was like a zoo. And then I saw my little blonde head slowly moving out, crushing his empty lunch bag to his chest, and peering out into the massive crowd of shouting kids and adult with giant eyes. I threw out my arms like a crazed maniac and ran at him. He spotted me and started running back at me. When I tell you that it was probably the most ridiculous act ever, I am not joking.

I threw my arms around him, the crushed lunchbag and the bookbag on his bag and squeezed the air out of him. I couldn't let go either. I carried him just like that through half the parking lot. Now, let me tell you....Devin is not a cuddly-touchy-feely kind of kid. But, as I drug/carried him he just laid his head on me and smiled...as I cried like a freaking mad woman.

I know I'm ridiculous....but, I couldn't help myself. I'm sure there have been worse than me. And, I'm sure there are some people that say it's no big deal. But, today was the start of the rest of his life. Today marks a day when I let my baby go. Today marks a day of him reaching out to people he doesn't know. Today marks a day of new friendships. Today marks a day when another adult will make an impact on my child. Today marks a day of me learning to trust. Today marks a day of both of us letting go a little bit.

Today is the day of Devin's first day of school...

Flaws out!

2009-08-24T14:19:00.001-05:00

I was reading Making Memories and she had an awesome post that was going along my current blog train of thought. I've been blog surfing alot lately and have noticed so many blogs that just make me want to vomit. I can NOT stand to read people's blogs, where they type these blogs that play them as the ultimate victim or mother Teresa. They play up a blog full of bullshit to suck the comments that they want out of their readers which in turn elevates their bullshitness aura.

Rebecca at Making Memories had a post dedicated to her flaws. She posted in order to remind herself and others that she is human. And as we all know, or should know, we all have flaws. Those of you who read my blog have seen my many many flaws.

But.....wouldn't it be nice to see them in bullet format?!?! For your reading enjoyment, here are (just a small pinch) of my flaws.

I have severe ADHD and tend to never want to finish a project unless it can be done in less than 6 seconds
I frequently skip a shower and take one every other day
I'm loud....really loud
I speak the truth way to often
I speak the truth loudly...way to loudly
I can't cook worth a crap
I HATE to clean
When I get overwhelmed, I want to quit
I wear two different colored socks
I'm lazy
I'm gullible
I love greasy food or any food that is bad for me
I'm a part time closet smoker
I love to play the devil's advocate in any and EVERY conversation

Ok, that is just a small pinch of them. Yes, I am human. No, I am not perfect. No, I do not have the perfect family. I do not have perfect kids. I do not have the perfect job. I do not have the perfect car. I do not have perfect friends. I do not have perfect habits.

And, I wouldn't change it for the world. There are times I am furious beyond all end, but it's my life! And, I love it!

So, if you're a yuppie...cut loose and be less than perfect with me!

Did ya know?

2009-08-21T20:39:00.003-05:00

I don't think I got to tell you all about my new toy!!! It is something I have always wanted, so that I could feel like an all out bad ass. Can you guess what it is?

A freaking motorcycle!!! I have always wanted one and me and Chris had been "visiting" our dream bikes at a local motorcycle store. After realizing that financing two bikes was definately NOT going to be a financially sound decision, we started looking on craigslist.

Have I mentioned that craigslist is the greatest thing since slim jims?!

And we found lots of the bike I wanted, with really low miles, for half the price. I wanted a small little cruiser, so we decided to buy mine first since it would be cheaper. Chris set out on a quest...and Chris gets crazy obsessive with his quests...to find the perfect bike.

So, I am now the proud owner of an orange 2005 Honda Rebel. He found it with only 250 miles on it. I've had it for about two months now and have only ridden on the road once. But, I sure ride the hell out of that thing in my yard. lol. I always had dirt bikes growing up, so I guess some habits die hard.

I need to get my stupid motorcycle permit. But, I'm not in too much of a rush. I don't want to ride out there alone. I'm not afraid of my ability to ride...I'm afraid of some dumb ass plowing me over in there suv. Maybe if I feel motivated, I will go take the test in the morning.

The woman who we bought it off of threw in a free helmet. The only issue is that it looks like the ones that cops wear when they ride horses. I look like an L7 wienie with it on.

Ride on! Do any of you have motorcycles?

Ok, I reopened the post to edit it because I have a question for you all. Why do you blog and are you always 100% honest about your bloggings or are they tailored to get the comments that you desire?

Just For Kirsty!

2009-08-17T22:43:00.003-05:00

Me and my brother have a random texting habit. One of our favorite games is to text a line of a song and see if the other can name that song or text the next line. It gets really hilarious sometimes. The other day, he started texting me Chuck Norris jokes and I almost peed in my chair sitting in my office.

1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

2. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

5.Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

6. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

9. When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night...he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

10. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

11. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

12. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Now, come on...you know that was funny. Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice.

And now an update. We drove 20 hours with all three of the boys this month for our first family trip. We went to Florida and stayed two nights with his dad and the rest with his brother, Danny and his wife, Shasha. It was hotter than hell itself, which I had not anticipated at all. We drove with the air on the whole way there. When we got to his dad's house and I got out, I'm pretty sure that half of my ass turned to sweat and dripped out my capris. I immediately decided that anything with legs could not be worn in Florida.

I NEVER wear shorts out in public. I have the legs of a nine year old boy who has been riding a horse way too long and then drug their knees through the rocks. So, I usually try to hide my chicken bow legs under capris. There was no shame in Florida though...I took my swamp ass to Wal-Mart on the first day to buy a bathing suit. Since my boobs decided to be inverted (please refer to boobs post), I didn't have a bathing suit that fit me. But, I sure bought me a teeny bikini and wore the crap out of that thing for a week. You will NOT be seeing any pictures of it though.

It turned out that everybody in Florida HATES the beach. WTF? I ride in the truck for 20 hours with three small children to sit in the air conditioning?!?!?! Chris did take pity on me after much pouting and many muttered curse words and took me and the boys to the beach. The sand was so hot, you couldn't walk on it in your bare feet. But, we had a blast. Devin kept trying to run out and the current was pulling him away. Peyton didn't want the waves to even touch him and Nuby was content to dig the same hole that kept getting filled in by the waves for an hour.

Then we walked up and ate at Bubba Gump's Shrimp. That was really neat. But, very uncomfortable. After sitting in the sand...it builds up. I couldn't figure out why it felt like my bathing suit was chafing away my precious parts until I went potty and poured out like 2 cups of sand from my bottoms. My souvenir?

Also...if you are going for a 20 hour drive and would like to have a snack...DON'T EAT 30 SLIM JIMS! They will bind you up like you would never believe!

Giveaway!!!

2009-06-03T10:50:00.002-05:00

Hey all...

Jenera over at www.jenerahealy.blogspot.com is having a giveaway that ends today!!!

She is giving away an 8 x 10 picture from her site http://www.jenerasphotography.com/. All you have to do is go to the photography site and pick your favorite picture. (And there are some really really good ones! She does a fantabulous job!) Then leave a comment stating what your favorite one is. You can even get an extra entry into the running if you leave a link to her drawing on your own blog.

So, run over and enter!!!!

Thank you Jenera!!!

OAEYC Conference

2009-06-02T13:43:00.003-05:00

This past weekend we (the center I work at) got the wonderful oppurtunity to attend the Ohio Association for the Education of Young Children (OAEYC) early care and education conference in Columbus, Ohio!

We were due to leave Thursday at 5:00 pm from the center. However, nothing ever goes according to plan, right? Of course, parents decided to pick this day to ditch their kids and go shopping, leaving us standing around waiting. When we finally did get on the road, we had to stop at 4 different banks because the agency had made a last minute change to payroll and nobody's money was direct deposited.

While the second car of girls was doing bank runs, I went to McDonald's to feed myself, my kids and the girl I had with me a nutritional dinner of snack wraps, salads, nuggets, burgers and fries. We waited for over a half hour until they arrived. This was when the tsunamai decided to hit Ohio.

After they got there, I pulled out of the parking lot and stopped at the red light waiting for them to catch up. As I was watching them get closer and closer, I had the fleeting thought that they appeared to be coming too fast. That's when they hit me.

I popped out of my car after calming the girl with me, who was still stuck in the OOOOH MYYY GOD! ten seconds after the impact. I stomped back through the rain fully prepared to do alot of what the f'ing. But, they had already gotten out of their car. And the driver was not the car owner. That would be her sister. And they were stare locked across the steaming crumpled hood and dangling bumper of the hyundai. So, I decided to busy myself looking at the barely dented bumper of my car.

It was alot of drama and crying and then Chris came and picked up the girls and we drove to one of their houses to get a different car. The rest of the drive was thankfully uneventful. The conference was awesome! I got to meet alot of new people and learned alot of new ideas. I didn't get to go to the state rally, but some of the girls did and they said it was a really neat experience.

On the drive home, we competed car against car to see who could get more truckers to honk. When our car wasn't getting enough, we moved on to trying to get cars to honk. Have you ever realized how many unfriendly people are out there on the road. You wave and smile and they either slow down or speed up trying to pretend like they don't see you. Jerks.

Chris had cleaned the whole house while we were gone, including putting away the 7 loads of laundry I had left randomly around the house. He also had himself a big old party while I was gone. And, he cleaned up after that too!

So, now I'm back and we're trying to get ready to throw a 4th of July party and that should be loads of fun. I will have my bucket O'Margarita and things that are explosive. What more could one want?

Happy Birthday, Peyton!

2009-05-19T13:53:00.003-05:00

My littlest man is having a birthday today. Today marks his second year of life and that makes me a little sad. It has gone by too quick. Let's travel back....

Two years ago on this same day....

At my last appointment with my midwife, I was 4 centimeters dilated and 50% thinned out. I returned to work after my appointment and was whining about how sore I was. It didn't feel like the normal hand all up in ya pain but more of a I think she stuck her whole leg in there and stomped on my uterus kind of deal. My friend and then boss, Lora, kept telling me to go home. But, I wanted to hoard all of my sick and vacation time, so I was reluctant to go. After much argument with Lora and the throb of my innerds...I grabbed Devin and Nuby and we went home.

After parking my pregnant sponge bob square pants looking butt on the couch for a day, I was sold. I called off the next day and decided I wasn't going back until after the baby was born. I was also trying to stay off my feet and hold that sucker in for a few more days.

I don't know if I've ever explained the intertwinitty of my friends...so here's a quick run down.

I met Jamie through an old relationship. Both of our boyfriends' were friends.
Absolutely hated her when I met her....then we became friends. We went on to date a few more pairs of friends. Then she married Lee and I'm engaged to Chris who is Lee's brother. wierd, huh.

Through that same old boyfriend, I met Jason and Amanda. Jason is Jamie's brother and also my neighbor. I also lived with Jason and Amanda for quite a few years.
Absolutely hated Amanda when I met her...now one of my best friends.

Back to the story.....

Jamie and Lee were on their way from their home in Colorado. Jamie had been pregnant and the baby didn't make it past 6 months due to severe complication. I didn't want to be in the hospital and not be able to make it to the service that they were having. The baby, Brandon Lee, was being buried over top of her and Jason's grandmother.

The morning of the service was beautiful. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the temperature was just right. Everybody crowded around the little grave site while the pastor said his words and then the tiny little egg/urn was placed into the ground.

Afterwards, we all went over to her uncle's house for the wake and so the kids could swim in the pool. While we were all sitting around, the damn squeezies started acting up. Squeezies are what I always called braxton hicks because I couldn't stand the sound of the name. I had squeezies on and off with both Nuby and Peyton. So, I'm walking around and keep hiking up my stomach to try to make the squeezies less painful. And to try to make them not squeeze my ribs which would in turn squeeze my lungs. Or that's how it was happening in my head.

After a while, Jason asked me if I was ok...sure I was. Get the squeezies all the time. I asked Chris to bring me some water thinking that I was just a bit dehydrated.

I went into the sunroom to sit and talk to everyone when it happened. I was sitting on the floor on my knees with my feet tucked under me when I thought I peed my pants. I started laughing and told everybody that I either just peed myself or my water broke. And I had on very thin khaki pants. I made them all close their eyes while I jumped up and darted in the house. I ran down the basement stairs and plopped down on the pot. Yep...pants were wet. I'm sitting in the tiny bathroom with my knees touching the wall in front of me trying to sniff my pants to see if they smell like pee when Chris opens the door all frantic like. I yell at him to close the door because under no circumstances is he allowed to see me sitting on the toilet. (One of my wierd things) So, from the other side of the door he asks if I'm alright. As the squeezies are starting to get more painful I tell him yeah...maybe I just need to poop. So, I empty out my intestine, bang my head into the wall with another squeezie, dry my pants with a blow dryer and head back upstairs embarassed.

Sitting back in the sunroom, Amanda tells me that maybe I'm in labor. Now, I'm starting to get snappy. I'm not in freaking labor. It's just the damn squeezies and they're starting to piss me off. I'm just going to sit here for a minute and I'll be fine.

I sit for another ten minutes while each squeezie gets worse than the one before and now I'm starting to break a sweat. I tell Chris it's time to go. He fiddles around for a couple minutes and then asks if he can go home to take a shower first. "NO!" Instead, he opts for taking a shower there and throwing on some of Lee's clothes. Amanda and Jason took Devin and dropped him off at my aunt's and Lee snagged up Nuby. Me and Chris left the wake for the hospital.

We got there and I was beside myself in pain. I got out of the car and plopped right down in the parking lot refusing to walk until the squeezie was over....chris was very irritated. Once inside, my midwife shows up with her intern. My midwife, whose name is Gaye, had promised me an epidural. So, I held out for an hour until I could get it. Once the epidural was in, I was ready to go. Lock and load and he was outin 45 minutes.

I was so worried about Jamie. I felt like we had ruined Brandon's day. She was so good about it. She cried but was so happy to see Peyton. Everybody who came up to meet you that night included: My brother, Bubba-Jamie-Amanda-Jason-Lora-Chris' mom, Dorothy

Welcome to the world, Peyton! The day started out with letting one baby go and ended with bringing one baby in.

I love you, little man! I will post a baby picture when I get on my own computer.

I'm back!!!

2009-05-06T12:22:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I haven't posted in almost two months.

Let's try to recap and see what I've been up to...

1. Trying to focus on school.

2. Spending way to much time on facebook. Did you know that you could have your own farm and have your own apartment on farmtown and yoville?!?! I spend way too much time plowing, harvesting and going to work to work to raise money to buy fake furniture. Hey, if I can't do it in real life at least I can pretend, right? Ok, I know I'm pathetic.

3. It was nice out for a short while. So, we spent alot of time outside tearing up the yards with go carts, 4-wheelers and the sprinkler. If you go to my facebook page you can see some of the video. Oh, and Chris taught Devin how to fly at top speed on his go-cart and ramp the burn pile in the back yard. I had to put a stop to that when I saw Devin flying through the air with all four tires in the air. Mommy=bad guy.

4. Chris' poor uncle passed away. He was only 51 and had a massive heart attack. His whole family flew in from Florida. So, we had house guests for a good while. While it wasn't a whole heartedly happy time, we got to spend alot of time with people that we don't normally get to see. The kids enjoyed getting to go to mimi's (chris' grandma) to play with everyone.

5. We had a local kite festival. Me, Manda and my sister in-law (which is also Manda's sister in-law ha ha ha) took all 8 of the kids. It was awesome. All of the kites filled the sky. I bought Devin a hot air balloon kite and Nuby flew his transformer kite. It was the best windy kite day ever. However, I would be the dipstick to make the kite festival a full contact sport and chip my tooth.

6. Coin and Bo came up to visit twice since I last posted. Bo has seen a puppy shrink. Sorry Coin, I had to throw that in there. Chris watched the kids one day and we went to Lanterman's Mill at Mill Creek Park. It was nice.

7. The childcare center that I ran closed due to building renovations. I was a freaking sobbing wreck packing all that up. But, when the building reopens, we will have a brand new state of the art center. So, it was bittersweet.

8. Peyton has taken to pulling poo out of his diaper and squeezing it while yelling "STICKY!". It's disturbing and I don't like it. And if he keeps doing it I might duct tape his hands to the top of his head to keep them as far away from his butt as possible.

9. We went to a swap meet full of random car stuff and junk. The kids loved it! They all got to pick out bushels of hot wheel cars. Chris bought a pressure washer and weed wacker. I bought something from every single concession stand. I love fair food!

10. I can't think of a tenth thing. So, hopefully you all haven't decided to leave me because of my absenteeism. I do apologize. How about you guys tell me in a recap anything exciting that you've been up to....

Socks...socks...socks...

2009-03-27T19:52:00.005-05:00

This blog is dedicated to my sock pimp.....The one and only BETHIE!!!

I have a huge love for socks. I love socks of all kinds and colors. My love for them started when I first began my career in early childhood care and education. On one need-to-do-laundry day, I wore two different socks. The kids were thrilled. So, I have always worn two different socks since. The kids and now the staff love to see my socks and comment if I wear an actual pair.

One day, while driving my friend Coin back to meet her parents halfway to

Michigan, her mom happened to notice that I had on one reindeer sock and one ghost sock. A rather odd pair...but that's me!

Now, everytime Coin comes up...Bethie sends me a new pair of great and wonderful colorful seasonful socks!

So, here's to you Bethie...I love the way you feed my need for obnoxious socks.

And just so you all know....I never wear them as pairs. I always wear two different socks at the same time.

So, here's a few of the socks that she has added to my collection and also a few of my own. The purple socks are my newest addition that I purchased online from Sockdreams.com. They are the scrunchable kind. They are probably the most hideous things ever...but I love them with every fiber of my being!

So, here's to you Bethie...I love you!!!

And now the balls in your court friends....What is your obsessive love that you just have to have?

Damn teeth

2009-03-08T11:11:00.003-05:00

The pictures are of my new hair cut. What do you all think? This is the first time I've ever let them put layers in my hair because I've always had an irrational hatred for them. They also put hi lites and lo lites so that when I can't get back to upkeep my new color, my natural hair color isn't too far off. And off to my post.....................

When I was pregnant with Devin, my wisdom teeth began to bother me. I didn't know what it was, I just knew that my mouth and jaw were killing me until I saw the crown of the tooth coming through my gum on the one side. I tried to ignore it and they stopped bothering me after he was born. Then it started all over again when I got pregnant with nuby. I went to a dentist which turned out to be a nightmare. Since I was on Medicaid, you can only go to the crazy dentists...let me give you a visual

I walk into the office, sign in and have a seat in the waiting room. It is completely cluttered and full of beautiful African art. There are sculptures on the tables and pictures of black women and children on the walls. The floors which are already carpeted have zebra print rugs in random places.

So, I'm sitting in the waiting room looking around and waiting for Dr. Dentist. I finally get called back after waiting for 45 minutes and I was the only patient in the building. This was only the beginning. The nurse leads me back to a little room and puts me in the chair. I tell her about my teeth and she sets me up for x-rays while I'm asking her if this is ok because I'm 6 weeks pregnant. She assures me that it's fine. They cover my body with a giant metal blanket thing and proceed to take like 20 x-rays of my mouth while stuffing different little plastic things all around in there jabbing my gums, my tongue and making me gag every couple seconds. Fun fun fun.

We finish up the x-rays and now I am just sitting in the little chair in my laid back chair waiting for Dr. Dentist. This is when I have a chance to soak in the decor. The room has not 1, not 2, not even three...but four random lava lamps hanging out in there. And they were all on too. They were also three random digital alarm clocks...all on too. It looked as if they were just making stacks of random junk all over the little room. Stacks of papers lined the counter and boxes filled with more junk were under the counter. No problem, I thought. Everyone does spring cleaning...right? Maybe I caught him in the middle of a remodel?

Then...in walks Dr. Dentist. Not the older African art loving black man that I had envisioned. But, a homely looking little white man who had a hump in his back. He shuffled along wearing slip on shoes that were too big making them slide across the floor as he walked. His pants were a dark brown cordaroy and were covered with white paint spots. The pants were cinched up with a belt as they were also way too big.

So, Mr. Dentist proceeds with his dentistry duties. He gets his little pick thingy and his mirror thingy and starts jabbing and stabbing my gums in the back. Maybe he hoped that by jabbing at them repeatedly it would tenderize my gums to make it easier for them to come through. heh...didn't work. After jabbing, muttering and breathing in my face for what seemed like an eternity, he leaves the room to go check out my x-rays. While he was gone, I pick up the torture instruments only to notice that they are covered with rust! Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh....somebody get me out of here!

He comes back and tells me that he is scheduling me for surgery to get all four of my wisdom teeth removed and gives me a prescription for Tylenol 3. I ask him if it is safe for me to be put under for surgery and to take the meds. He assures me it's fine. I tell him that I will call back to schedule to surgery after I talk to my midwife.

I go home call my midwife and they tell me not to schedule or take the meds unless my face might explode at any second. So, lo and behold here I am with all four of my wisdom teeth still in there. One is almost all the way through now.

But, for the last three days, they have been killing me. My head has been pounding, my ears hurt and my jaw is throbbing. So, now that I have dental coverage through my work, I am going to see about getting them suckers yanked out.

My NOT-ME Friday

2009-03-01T12:20:00.005-06:00

Ok, I got this game from my bloggedy friend, Kirsty at http://www.theweaversnest.typepad.com/. It's called the NOT-ME Friday game and I believe it is meant to be done on a Friday. However, I am going to bust out my leather jacket and be a rebel and do it on Sunday. In my defense, Kirsty, the post will be about my Friday. Does that buy me any brownie points?

Ok, so the game is played by adding the word NOT in everything you do. So, here goes.

This past Friday was NOT Jason's birthday. Jason is not Amanda's (http://www.mandasrandonness.blogspot.com)/ husband.

We did NOT all find babysitters so that we could NOT go to Ruby Tuesday's for an adult night out.

I did NOT order the buffalo sandwich while NOT thinking it was the bison sandwich. I was NOT at all surprised when the waitress didn't bring me chicken smothered in buffalo sauce instead of my bison burger.

I did NOT eat that whole buffalo chicken sandwich and then lick the rest of the sauce off the plate.

Now we won't get to the funny parts.....I in no way would ever dream of ordering NOT ONE but TWO long island iced teas. They were NOT so great and refreshing as I sucked the sweetness down. I was NOT informing Chris' brother that his head was big and long way too loudly. I did NOT laugh in an old man's face while coming back from the restroom. And I was NOT scaring people in the restroom while I was in there.

After our dinner, we did NOT come back to my house to play monopoly. I most certainly would NOT get out the boxed wine after two long island iced teas. Amanda did NOT offer to flash a boob just to get some free property from the bank...that would make her a hooker. And, I did NOT try to charge her $500 monopoly dollars for her to show her boob...that would make me her pimp. Her husband did NOT lower his head in shame embarrassed to know us. And Chris was NOT jumping up and down because he thought he might NOT see a boob.

Now, that you all have heard about my NOT-ME Friday, please feel free to join in next Friday. It was hard to even write this without cracking up.

And now for the pictures. I can't figure out how to make them be at the bottom and not the top. Meet Jason and Amanda. And yes, I know I'm not the world's greatest photographer!

Back to life....Back to reality....

2009-02-25T17:55:00.003-06:00

Ok. Play time is over and it's back to the grind. Ha, I say that so perfectly as if I worked in the slate factory in the Flinstones and not at my deskjob. Coin left for Michigan this morning. It was such a fun trip. Here are a few of the highlights of the trip.

Of course, game night was a huge hit. We played all kinds of fun games until the wee hours of morning. One of the funny moments of the night was when we went running screaming "EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!", as Chris' drunk brother came looking for us all. Then we all behind cars covering our mouths like little children trying to hold in the giggles. I had both hands over my mouth and my legs crossed trying not to simutaneously give away our spot and pee my pants. His brother found Manda and we left her with the drunkard. Sorry Manda, Every man for himself!

The day after game night we all laid on the couch with the kids snuggling and watching cheesey movies all day. That was cozy.

We took all the kids including Lora and her Luca and went to see Hotel Dogs at the movies. The kids really did great. There was only one other family in the theater so the kids were able to kind of move around and sit on the stairs. Little Peyton did the best out of all the kids! He sat so still in his chair eating popcorn for almost the whole movie.

Last night we sat watching you tube videos for a good hour cracking up. If you enjoy browsing silly things on youtube, check out goremy. He has silly videos and songs that he makes up and I was doubled over. Check out the eggs over easy one if you have time. "Eggs ova eeeezaaaay. Cookemright, don't make em greeeeezaaay."

Ok, that's it for now. Oh and kudos to Kristy at the Weaver's Nest on my side roll of blogs. She had a run in with a real live hippo! Can you all believe it?!?!?!?! Lora, if you're out there reading....I am now living through Kristy so that I can get closer to my true beloved hippos!

p.s. My new resolution is to try to post a new picture on each blog, no matter how random it may be. This is me and Devin trying to make the ugliest faces possible....mission complete. lol.

Getting to know you...

2009-02-20T21:56:00.002-06:00

I am off to take Nuby and Peyton for a strep test and to load up on Tylenol and Motrin for the long night. While I do that please feel free to answer some fun questions!

You all know ~me~ from reading my blog. Now I want to get to know you by asking some questions. Please cut/paste these questions into the comments and answer them truthfully! ~wink~

Q1: Let's say you are driving by yourself in the middle of a long drive. You are in a good mood and you have every album ever made available to listen to. Name 1-3 albums you would choose to listen to.

A1: Bon Jovi, 90's music, 80's music.

Q2: Let's say you have been dating a guy for 1 year and he just broke up with you. What ~sad~ break-up music would you listen to?

A2: Reba McEntire

Q3: Now you are more pissed for him breaking up than sad. What ~angry~ music would you choose?

A3: Beastie Boys

Q4: You are on death row and have been offered a last meal. What would you pick?

A4: Salisbury Steak banquet meal.

Q5: You have a free night to hang out with your friends and you get to pick the night. What would you choose to do? If you would go somewhere to have drinks, what kind of club/bar would you want to go? Would you rather have a girls only night? Or mixed company?

A5: Mixed company board game nights

Q6: You are on your night out with friends and someone else is the designated driver. You have all night and nothing to do in the morning but sleep. What would you choose to drink? What level of drunkenness would you chose to achieve?

A6: Just enough to make me happy. I don't ever want to be hungover again. I am done with that stage of my life...I do not do shots, they make me gag. I like grape smirnoff...and my new drink is the tarantula.

Q7: Your designated driver is now driving everyone home and offers to stop anywhere you want to feed your drunk ass. What would you pick?

A7: McDonald's...double hamburger

Q8: You have a gift certificate for 2 pairs of shoes to a shoe store that carries every brand of shoe in the world and every shoe costs the exact same amount. What casual shoe would you pick? What dress shoe would you pick?

A8: Nike tennis shoes...I don't really wear dress shoes.

Q9: Let's say these things all cost the exact same and you are told to pick ~three~ things. What would you pick?: Pair of shoes. Handbag. Bundle of craft items. Outfit at your favorite store. Day at the spa. MP3 player. Dinner & drinks at your favorite restaurant. Concert tickets to your favorite band. 3 month gym membership. Hotel room at the city's fanciest hotel. Makeup/beauty bundle. Haircut and color. A kitchen appliance like an espresso machine, something frivolous.

A9: Day at the spa...haircut and color...espresso/cappuccino maching

Q10: What do you do for a living? Is it your dream job? If not, what is your dream job?

A10: Childcare Program Manager

Q11: Do you have a college degree? If yes, what is it in? If no, are you planning to go back?

A11: I currently have a Child Development Associate credential and am enrolled in an online college for Elementary Ed.

Q12: If you could start your education over, would you change anything? If so, what?

A12: I would do my homework.

Q13: What are your summer hobbies. (Things you actually do, not things you would like to do but rarely do them. For instance, many people say "hiking" although they can't remember the last time they went.)

A13: Right now...spending time with the family. But before that I wanted to be a rock climber. Loved it!

Q14: What are your winter hobbies?

A14: I love skiing and sled riding

Q15: Are you ~happy~ with your life? If not, what would make you happy?

A15: Absolutely! Love my three monsters and Chris

Catching up

2009-02-18T19:02:00.002-06:00

These are just a few of the pictures from this past week. We had a birthday party at the local skating rink where Chris and Devin had fun learning how to skate. We also got to play some laser tag, which I think I should be banned from ever playing again. I have what you can call a wee bit of a competitive side. Wee bit being a severe understatement. The party was fun and from there we headed home to get the boys ready for a sleepover at my aunt's.

This was the first sleepover for all three of them and my first liberating night in years without any kids at home. Coin is in town this week, so we invited the troops over for a game night. We had a rockin' time playing pictionary man, blurt, rock band and the guys played some beer pong. I discovered my true calling in life.....I AM one of the beastie boys. It was a fantabulous night. I haven't laughed that freakin' hard in a long time. That could be directly related to the giant amounts of raspberry stolli and lemonade....or maybe not.

On Monday, Coin made lasagna and salad and our friend Lora came over with her son. We played around with the camera for a good while and that accounts for the lovely pictures. They so graciously did my make up for the photo op. Do you love the blue eye shadow and the dark dark lipstick?

We will be having another game night on Friday at Lora's house this time. So, we will see what this weekend brings....

10 reasons why I should be voted #1 mom!

2009-02-04T14:54:00.005-06:00

10. Last night as I was sitting on the couch, I saw Peyton run out of my room with the self-tanning lotion and yelled up..."Put that back before I break your little fingers!" (Peyton screamed in delight, gripped the bottle even tighter, and took off running back into my room.

9. My kids are so used to me saying, "If you don't stop, I will suck out your soul" that they say it to each other.

8. All three of my kids got 'to up from the flo up' while in utero before I knew they were in there.

7. I never bought bike helmets for my kids...bike helmets are for wussies. However, Devin does have a helmet for his dirt bike and go-cart.

6. Not to long ago, I fell asleep in the chair and woke up to Peyton standing next to me with taco bell re-fried beans and lip gloss all in his hair. He was oh so proud. It was promptly followed with an, "Oh P, I am so going to suck out your soul." Then we headed to the bath.

5. While driving home from work and talking to my friend Lora on the phone I hear Devin scream. (Dev was about 1 1/2) I look back to realize that someone must have unbuckled his car seat and when I turned the whole thing tipped over. Without skipping a beat, I reach back and flip him back upright which he thought was the greatest thing ever. Lora asks are you going to pull over to buckle it in? Nah...almost home I tell her.

4. Nuby still sneaks his binky...he looks so darn cute with it though.

3. I often call Devin 'Funky butt fingers' because he is always scratching his bum. He is THEE itchiest kid I have ever come across.

2. Everytime Devin or Nuby say something all sarcastically to me and trot away...I mutter 'Little Asshole' under my breath.

1. Due to my lack of cooking abilities and a bit of laziness...my kids live on carryout unless Chris cooks.

And now on to my awards...I apologize that I haven't put them up sooner. I was so excited when I got them ....I received three new awards since I have last blogged and I would like to give each person their own post to show my gratitude. So, stay tuned for my awards from Amy, Courtney and Amanda. Thanks gals!

Lost and a new award

2009-01-21T20:42:00.002-06:00

This will be a short post...

Season five of Lost is on and I am super SUPER excited! I didn't think I was going to be able to watch it because we have satellite and we don't have ABC, but my neighbor brought over his trusty rabbit ears so that I wouldn't miss a thing. So, finally after watching the first four seasons since the end of November, we get to see season five and maybe get some questions answered about this stinking island.

Also, Amy from http://www.keepingupwiththeschultzfamily.blogspot.com has given me the helping hand award.

THANKS AMY!!!!!!!

I will be posting it up later this week after I am done with my final projects (online college).

Feel free to keep posting on the logic of Chris too. This could be a fun series!

The logic of Chris

2009-01-20T20:43:00.004-06:00

I'm not sure if it's just a male thing or if it's just my Chris. Sometimes the things he says just blow me away and crack me up. So, I've decided that I am going to devote his own posts just like the "Nuby strikes again series".

Conversation #1-
We were discussing the welfare of our youngest son, Peyton, who is only 1. I was saying how I never wanted him to go to another daycare center because he loves his teachers and these first years are so crucial to his development. Chris argued that it doesn't matter where he goes becaue he wouldn't remember any of it and he would be fine. Despite all of my counter arguments about early childhood education and social emotional issues, Chris would not budge.

Not even 15 minutes later, I was discussing puppy care on the phone with Coin-O and Chris chimes in with his opinion of how it is VITAL to a puppy that it be nursed for the proper amount of time for the optimal development of the puppy.

WTF, Chris? You care about some random puppy more than Peyton? All I could do was crack up at him.

Conversation #2-
This one was great. Chris likes to blurt out random thoughts in his head at really random times. Back when Coin was visiting, we were sitting in the living room watching Lost after the kids had all gone to bed. Out of the blue, Chris states that he would like to donate his sperm for money. Conversation was as follows:

Jennie-"That's a stupid idea"

Chris-"Hell no it's not! I could make a killing."

Jennie-"Maybe, but what happens when you donate your sperm and then some random lady has your baby and abuses or neglects it?

Chris-"That's not my baby"

Jennie-"Yes it is!"

Chris-"No, no it's not"

Jennie-"How do you figure? It's your sperm, is it not?"

Chris-"Yeah, it's my sperm. But it's not my baby. I wouldn't sleep with her."

Jennie- "It's still your sperm, dumbass. Have you ever heard of DNA?"

Chris-"No, there was no penetration. It doesn't count! It's not my baby."

Coin-"He has a point, you know."

That one is still an ongoing argument. Sometimes I just don't understand what goes through his mind. Anybody else have a "logical thinker" at home?

Lazy weekend...

2009-01-19T11:03:00.002-06:00

What a lazy feeling weekend. My work was closed on Friday since it was subzero outside and I'm off today for the holiday. I have had a nice looooong weekend. I'll just give you all a few updates as to what we've been up to.

When we first moved into this house, the first thing we did was re-do the bathroom: new drywall, floor, cabinetry, sinks, toilet, counter, trim, ceiling, paint, tub and shower. The whole nine yards. Well, about a week ago, a pipe burst in the bathroom but was inside the wall. Chris loves to take things apart so he immediately said that he was just going to tear down the whole wall because he wasn't satisfied with the work he had done the first time. I instantly told him/ordered him to leave the bathroom alone. I didn't care if I had to brush my teeth in the toilet.

Thursday, me and the boys got home from work to find Chris in the bathroom. Or what used to be the bathroom. Now, it's just a room with a toilet and a tub. He ripped out every inch of drywall and banged up every tile from the floor. The bathroom cabinets are sitting in my foyer. Good place for them, right. The kids think it's great. Three cabinets....three boys.

Everybody knows those people that hate calm. You know who I'm talking about. The ones who create all the drama if there isn't any to fuel. I've come to my own conclusion that Chris is very similar to that. If he sees something that is not broken, he must break it in order to fix it. He must destroy all things that are beautiful. Perhaps, I shall break his fingers. Mwah ha ha ha ha ha.

But anyways, we got some laminate wood floor for the bathroom to replace the tile and hopefully it will match well with the real hard wood flooring that we have in the rest of the house. The color is just about the same. Now we just have to get someone out here to sand and re-finish the rest of our floors.

Saturday, me and the boys spent five hours at the Skate Zone with our neighbor friends and their three kids and my sister in law and her two kids. We all had a blast. We played some laser tag and I was the MVP of course. We played two games....me and all the kids slaughtered the other team the first round only to find out it was because they had on faulty equipment. So, skate zone let us play again. The team me and the kids were playing against were a little on the trashy side though. When me or the kids would shoot them they would yell out random swear words. Come on now, while my mouth if FAR from being mother goose's, I do not yell random or any swear words at strange children.

Yesterday, Chris worked in the bathroom while me and my little cousin Shae rearranged my living room and tried to play catch up on the massive amounts of laundry. Then after everyone was falling asleep, I remembered I had homework. Blech...so I was up till one trying to finish it. I did.

Today, I mopped my floors with water and 409 because I didn't realize we were out of pine sol. And, I'm getting ready to put the boys down for a nap. I need to find my stinking phone. I lost it two days ago and can not find it anywhere.

Welling up...

2009-01-14T16:34:00.009-06:00

This post is not so happy mayhemish...but try to bear with me.

My friend Coin-O, www.taleoftwocoins.blogspot.com has suffered great losses in the past few months and today I'm just not sure how she carries herself so delicately and strongly at the same time.

Let me start at the beginning...

A few years back, I was the assistant childcare manager and my "buddy" (that's her nickname I call her) Lora was the Program manager. While Lora was out on maternity leave I was interviewing for a new infant lead teacher. This was vital to both myself and Lora as our babies were 6 weeks apart and this would be our babies teacher. I interviewed a whole bunch of people but fell in love with a Jennifer Coin who was new to the area. That Ms. Coin though was a stickler to get. With most people, you offer them the job, they consider it and then either accept it or go on their own way. Not with Ms. Coin. I must have talked to her 10 million times on the phone answering all kinds of questions from our early childhood education philosophy to NAEYC Accreditation. After all that she went through a second interview process with Lora, who also loved her. And finally, after much deliberation on her part because we weren't the only center who was trying to snag her, she chose to come and be our lead teacher.

After a month or so, she came into mine and Lora's office we shared crying. She just didn't know if her heart was in early childhood anymore. While she did the most excellent job, she was just feeling the long term stresses that the job can bring. She also said that she was lonely because she was new to the area and didn't make new friends easily. Lora and I reassured her that we didn't want her to leave and that maybe if she stayed she could move up in the ranks to an administrative position. We also welcomed her into our circle, which really consisted of me and Lora ha ha.

Me and Lora are very close from sharing an office and from my former social phobic years when she allowed me to be her buttcheek and tag along behind her EVERYWHERE she went. Coin completed our trio. Lora and I are complete opposites. Lora is extememly efficient and well detailed but doesn't like chaos. I am not so efficient and hate to be detailed but I love chaos. Coin falls somewhere in between that and bridges the gap.

Lora ended up leaving us...sniffle sniffle...for a better job opportunity which meant I moved into her position and Coin moved partially up into my old position. I say partially because she was still in a classroom half days. I got to know alot about her. We shared crazy stories about her husband Shawn and my Chris and crew. Coin was always the worrier and I used to laugh at her for it. She was afraid to go places or drive without Shawn and always consulted him for everything. It never ceased to make me chuckle. When her and Shawn started trying for a baby, it was a bit rocky for them, so Lora and I tried to be as helpful as we could. We might have gone into their room to position them if they would have let us. ha ha ha. Ok, maybe not that far but you get the point.

Shawn started experiencing some chest pains that Coin was concerned about. I remember the first time she told me and said that she thought it was a tumor. I think that might have been the first time I didn't chuckle at her.

Coin then made the decision to leave for another job opportunity that involved a WAY lower stress level in order to better focus on trying to have a baby and so that her and Shawn wouldn't both be so stressed out. Shawn was under a tid bit (understatement) of stress at his job as a football coach. She was so worried about what I would think when she left. But, leaving me wasn't going to shake the trio apart.

We all still talked all the time and then....Coin got pregnant! We were all so excited...Lora even went so far as to sneak her in pregnancy books while Coin was working.

Then after I had been home for a week while my boys passed around Hand, Foot and Mouth disease and returned to work finally....

I was up in the business offices getting ready for a meeting when the operator yelled out..."Hey Coin just called here and said it's an emergency she needs you to call her back right now." I headed down stairs to get my phone and call her back. I call her and she answered the phone calmly..."Hey, I'm at the er. Do you think you could come over with me?" I immediately thought she had lost the baby. I asked her what was going on and she told me that Shawn had collapsed at work and something about his trying to get his heart started. I told her I would be right over. I ran the three flights up to tell my boss I was so sorry but I HAD to leave to be with Coin.

I flew over to the hospital on two wheels (it's only like 3 minutes from my work) and called Coin on the way to let her know I was en route. Her voice was still even. She said that she was in a little waiting room and to come find her. I call Lora who had already received a call from Teresa and was getting herself and her son ready to leave the house. My panic is starting to set in....I get to the er where there isn't a parking spot. I found one in the back, hastily parked my car and took off running through the parking lot. I ran in and found our other friend Teresa who had driven her there from work. She was telling me that Coin was still in the back but I was on a mission. I NEEDED to find that room with Coin in it. I grabbed a nurse out of the triage room and told her who I was looking for and she immediately knew who I was talking about. She led me and Teresa to a tiny room and opened the door. Inside, Coin was sitting on a little couch with numerous coaches all standing and sitting in the room with her.

As I made my way over to sit on the arm of the couch next to her, the doctor came in to give her the news that her husband had not made it. I know that this was the hardest thing that my friend has and probably will ever have to encounter in her life...or so I pray. I know this because for the five minutes that followed the doctor coming in was the only time since then that I have seen her break. I know that my heart break was NOTHING compared to hers, but that might have been the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. What do you say in a time like that? All I could do was wrap my arms around her violent shaking body and cry with her. I couldn't say it's going to be ok or I'm here. Nobody wants to here that hallmark crap. So, I just sat and cried along with her and all of the football coaches. After about five minutes, she proceeded with talking. Not the happy chat, but a cold shaky tone.

After going through the hospital Lora, Teresa and I went to her house with her to stay until her family could get in from out of state. She was the one offering us food and drinks and apologizing for her house being a mess (it was far from messy). We managed to feed her a few bites of yogurt and a plum. Through the next couple days, she plunged on trying to keep herself going and healthy for the baby.

She got through the calling hours and funeral and went for her first OBGYN appointment. Her parents, Shawn's mom, Lora and I went with her only to see that a heartbeat could not be found. They reassured that it might be too early and sent her with a script for her dr. in Michigan when she returned.

She went back to have her second disastrous blow. She had a miscarriage. Lora and I were at an event together waiting the phonecall. When it had not come yet, I decided to call. Coin answered the phone crying. The second time she has broken.

She has had her up times and down times since then. But, during her rollercoaster ride. During this time when the strongest of men would have been brought to their knees. I have watched her in awe. Even when stripped of all she has ever known, stripped of her husband, her child, her home, her life. She stands naked before everybody...transparent...feelings and emotions worn for all to see. And yet she does all of this with her chin out and head held high. Held together, full of pride thinking of the lessons Shawn has taught her, and striving to find herself in a world that has dealt her a hand that some might find cold.

Today, she called me. Shawn's autopsy came in. I listened as she read it and silently sobbed until the snot was running into my mouth. Once again, I sat in awe. While she read, she cried. But, I could almost picture her reading.....her head drooping....but only momentarily. Collecting herself together, and pushing forward towards the great unknown.

If any of you have ever read her post or Angie Smith's post http://www.blogger.com/www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com , I'm sure you can relate to the feeling of awe. Here I am with my Chris and my crazy three boys. There is no way I can ever truly relate to the feelings that she feels, I can only imagine. But, I am in awe. I know that Coin is destined to greater things. I don't know what, but I know there is something. God has given her such grace and she has accepted it so gracefully. She is already reaching out to others who have suffered losses. (She must always be helping somebody...ALWAYS).

So, Coin...here's to you. You aren't just one of my best friends. You are an inspiration for life. For Grace.

I'm a genuis!

2009-01-11T12:25:00.002-06:00

We have gotten some crazy snow since Friday. Looks to be a little less than a foot, which might not be crazy for some of you. But, that is crazy for two days of snow here.

Yesterday, I noticed that the trampoline was drooping really from all of the snow piled on it. I had told Chris to go and shovel it all off but he was too busy plowing the drive way with the tractor 5 blazillion times. (He loves to plow. I think it gives him a good outlet for his destructive side.) Needless to say, the snow was still there this morning.

Once again, I told Chris he needed to shovel the trampoline off and off he went to wal-mart. So, I searched for some boots to keep the snow from filling my shoes while I crossed Alaska to get to the trampoline. The only boots I could find were Chris' steel toed size 13 (AKA size yacht) work boots, so I plopped my size 5 1/2-6 feet into the yachts, tucked in my jeans and laced the bad boys up.

Have you EVER tried to balance yourself on a snow/ice covered trampoline with a snow shovel and yachts on your feet? Let me tell ya, it's a task and I'm sure if any of my neighbors were watching they would have been highly amused.

After about 20 minutes I had finally cleared almost all of the snow off the trampoline, and I did it without falling. This is where my inner genius kicks in. Our trampoline has the safety net siding on it, so it only has one little doorway hole to throw all of the snow out of. During my snow clearing, I had failed to throw the snow all on one side outside of the hole so I had snow piled almost as high as the trampoline all outside of the hole when I was done. WTF is wrong with me? I wore the yachts so that I wouldn't get snow in my boots! Now I would have to worry about snow in my hat.

I am not only a genius...I am an olympic pole jumper! So, I used my genius mind to come up with a plan. I stuffed my shovel in the big old pile of snow, pushed off and flew me and my yachts over the big pile of snow.

SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! That is the sound that two giganitic yachts make when they pound themselves into a foot of snow. I did it! I made it without falling or hurting myself or breaking anything!

I trudged back in my previous footprints back to the house to find Chris standing at the sliding door watching me cracking up.

So, this is why today.....I am a genius olympic champion!

Back to life...

2009-01-10T09:18:00.002-06:00

Well, the holidays are over and that means back to the grind for me. I went back to work on Monday and my school break is over too. That means I was in work shock this week pretty much. I think I forgot how to wake up, get all three kids dressed and go work for 8 hours. So, I settled for getting up late, taking the kids to school, sitting at work for half the day and working the other half and then going home to half ass my homework. AAAAh, what a terrific human being I turned out to be.

We did have a few funny happenings this week though.

Thursday was Chris' birthday. We usually go all out for presents in this house, but every year Chris gets harder and harder to buy for. He is about the pickiest person in the whole entire world. So, this year he decided he wanted a cold air intake for his truck and he was going to go and buy it. So, on Thursday we were just going to go out to eat with our friends. I realized while I was at work that I had not even gotten him a card and I didn't have any money on me to stop and get one. But my wondrous job allows my creativity to spill....so i cut out two big sheets of cardboard and found some old wallpaper samples in a book. With these I made the most beautiful birthday card full of coloring pages of me and the boys. Chris actually really did appreciate my hard work but after the fun was over that night and the boys were in bed, he looked all sad at me and said, "I'm kind of surprised you didn't get me a cake". I said that was silly because he hates cake and never eats it. And then he looked down and muttered something about not getting to blow any birthday candles out. Now, I felt like an all out piece of crap. He says, "It's no big deal. Don't worry about it, babe. I love my card. It's just a day anyhow, right?" I am an official piece of crap. Not just any piece of crap. I am the piece of crap with nuts and corn that sneaks up on you and ravages your intestines.

Friday- Devin's teacher calls me at 3:00 to inform me that while Devin was going number two, he somehow managed to number one all over his pants, shirt and underwear. Me, being the parent who always looks ahead (sarcasm), did not have extra clothes for him at school. So, I had to scoop up Nuby and Peyton to run over to Devin's school and save him from sitting in the bathroom naked in his blanket. I take this opportunity to run home, grab Dev some clean clothes, and head off to get Chris cake and presents to try to redeem myself and hopefully salvage a little bit of birthday surprise.

At home, I leave the kids in the car and run in to grab clothes. I come back out and toss them to Devin in the back seat and tell him to hurry up and get em on. We're on a mission. I fiddle with something for a minute and glance back to check on Dev's progress. There he is, sitting spread eagle staring at his little wang with a curious look on his face.

Me-"Dev, WHAT are you doing? Get your clothes on!"

Dev- Throwing hands out in exasperation and shaking his head- "Mom, it's just like... just like, you know my pee pee's getting old."

Me- "Why is your pee pee getting old?"

Dev- Now fully enraged, getting louder and still staring down his wang- "It's just not new anymore! It's just old"

Me- "How do you know what an old pee pee looks like?"

Dev- Starts cracking up and hides his face in the door "Mom, that's silly nasty. Don't talk about my privates. I need to get dressed."

So, Devin got dressed and we headed off to wal-mart where the boys picked out a cupcake cake. It was neon pink, green and yellow and was shaped like a butterfly. Good pick, boys.

Then we went and found the wii game he has been asking for, it's the Indiana Jones lego game. After that, I gave the boys each two dollars and we ran over to the dollar tree so they could go and "buy daddy there own gift". We went in and Devin was so proud bee boppin' around holding his money stating loudly that this was a girl store and we needed to leave to find some tools.

Nuby ran over and picked up a doggy rope toy yelling "Dis fo my daddy". I had to tell him that was a doggy toy and daddy's not a dog (all the time he he he). I told them to keep looking and Devin settled on a flashlight while Nuby picked a tape measure. This is really funny because they each picked out the things that they always break of daddy's. So, daddy so graciously agreed that he would share his new tools if they agreed not to touch the ones he has already.

Anyways, we managed to get home and have everything wrapped and candled by the time he got home. He was surprised. So, I think I am safe for another year.

Bath & Body Works is twisted

2008-12-31T13:14:00.002-06:00

There nothing like getting a new shower gel to pour on your loofah, lather up and make yourself all clean and smellin' good. Except for when it backfires...

My aunt bought me some Twisted Peppermint shower gel and lotion for christmas. Smelled all minty fresh and nice.

So, yesterday morning I hopped in the shower with my new gel. As usual, I take scalding hot showers. I make the water as hot as my skin will allow before it starts melting and peeling off. I do my usual routine...

wash hair...check

wash face...check

put in conditioner...check

brush teeth...check

rinse out conditioner...check

Then comes the body. I lather an extra good amount of twisted peppermint shower gel on my loofah and start scrubbing at my trunk and appendages with a fury. (Hadn't taken a shower in two days...hey don't judge...I'm on vacation and I'm allowed to be stinky.) After I scrub the first layer of my skin off I start to rinse off.

That's when my left arm, which I had washed first, started to burn.

What the heck is going on?

I turn my body so my left arm was in the hot water but now it was starting to feel like it was freezing, even in the hot water. And, now it was spreading to the rest of my body.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Imagine that you have just emersed your body in the mintiest of mouthwashes. It is so cold that it burns.

There was nothing I could do but stand in the hot water and try to wash off the shower gel with regular soap. It finally did stop but I think that Bath and Body Works didn't name this gel twisted for nothing.

My public apology

2008-12-30T12:28:00.002-06:00

Pam,

I feel that a public apology is needed for the label "Perfect Pamela". Perhaps it was a bit over the top extreme.

Let me try to explain myself and my Devin.

Devin has always been an energetic and somewhat uncoordinated fireball of energy from the second he came out of the womb. When he was still in the hospital he would stay awake for hours watching everybody who came to visit us.

During his first year of life, until he learned to run, on his own. He demanded that everybody walk/bounce him from room to room. This also continued into the night. He would wake up and cry for an hour or two until he was satisfied that my head would surely explode from lack of sleep and then I would have to shake his butt until he fell back asleep.

When he learned to walk at nine months old, he immediately set off to running everywhere. Very forest gump like. lol. Devin wouldn't walk anywhere, it was always at a dead set sprint while he would let his war cry deep belly laugh. He was also lucky enough to receive my clutzy gene. So, he would frequently fall and run into everything. I believe he is the only child at his daycare that had an incident report written up for running face first into a refridgerator. ha ha ha.

At the age of two, Devin became the school cannibal. He needed to be constantly shadowed so that he didn't eat the rest of the children. When Devin would get frustrated and could not bite anybody else, which was very frequently, he would bite himself. Sometimes to the point of drawing blood.

At two and a half, Nuby was born so Devin got to stay home with me for seven weeks and that was when we did potty training. Yeah, Devin then got to wear big boy underwear like Daddy! And, he got to meet his new brother and help out. It was a very exciting time.

When we finally returned to life. Devin was in a new classroom. He does not handle change/transition/ or anything that is out of his norm very well. He is sometimes "difficult" to deal with if you don't take the extra step he needs to understand him and why he does things.

Devin (as well as myself) went through a very rough two year period. It is just now getting better but we still have our days. When Devin transitioned to preschool, he LOVED his teacher and she LOVED him. I finally had someone who understood Devin. She cared deeply about him and I greatly appreciated that. It made life on me easier. It is so hard to know that people do not like your child because he is "annoying" and loud.

However, while his teacher adored him and went the extra mile every day, the assistant teacher did not. He would instantly become angry with Devin. There was one instance that I will never forget and it still breaks my heart. I was in my office and the preschool class was walking down the hallway. As usual, Devin got out of line to run and fell hitting his chin on the floor. Instead of helping him get up and reminding him about using his walking feet, he pointed and laughed. Devin just layed there on his stomach crying while all of his classmates followed the lead of the assistant teacher and pointed and laughed also. This sent Dev into an all out screaming fit (rightly so) which got him in trouble. I went and got Devin to talk to him and show my disapproval to the teacher. After a few more instances like that, the assistant teacher was let go.

Devin's preschool teacher then left us for a higher paying position and in the mean time I had given birth to Peyton. That was where Devin's quick downward spiral began. The teacher that took over did not like Devin. I know this because she told several of the other teachers who told me because they were concerned. I moved Devin to our second preschool location with one of our new teachers. She was wonderful but Devin was a mess. Too much change had happened and he did not know how to cope. She was trying her best and that was all I could ask for. That she truely wanted what was best for him even when he was being a little turd and that she was never mean just because he was on her nerves. When she put in her notice for something closer to home, I cried like I had lost my best friend.

That's when Yolanda came back, his original preschool teacher. It took Devin a while to get readjusted. But, it worked. Devin still has his days where they have to call me because he is completely out of control, but they are fewer and further between.

Let me also add that Devin has ongoing ear issues. At age three, he failed an impedence test at school. I was told not to worry that it might be a cold. Six weeks later, he failed again. I was referred to our pediatrician. I took him and was told that everything was fine. Months later, he failed yet another impedence test. I called his pediatrician again and was referred to an ear, nose and throat specialist. He had 30% hearing loss due to fluid in the ears. They put him on an antibiotic. I had him back to his pediatrician who said everything looked fine. But, I could tell that Devin was not hearing. He was having an increasingly hard time in school and at home. I called a different ear, nose, and throat doctor and took him in. He scheduled him for outpatient surgery to have tubes put in two weeks from then. That was last March. During the last month and a half I have noticed that Devin seems to not be hearing me again. When I talk, I notice that he watches my mouth. When I tell him anything, I have to make him repeat it back to me to ensure that he understands. I took him back to his ear, nose, throat doctor who put him on an antibiotic. But, once again, I don't notice anything getting better. Only worse. I called a different agency that specialized in pediatrics because his current doctor is "old school" He is scheduled for a full hearing eval this month.

And last I wanted to address how you stated that I was a child worker and the smack surprised you. I do not want you to think that this is how I conduct my centers. It is by far WAY easier to care for other people's children and their education. It is completely different to raise your own children. While, I never second guess how I do things with my younger two children, I am almost always at a lost with my Devin.

I love Devin in a way that is different than the other two. Not more or less, just different. He is my oldest and he was first. For awhile before Chris came into our lives, it was just me and Dev trying to figure out what to do with each other. I am very protective over him. While I try to stand back and let him figure things out for himself. He is SO darn obnoxious. Wether or not people do this, I feel like everyone is always judging my parenting skills because of the way Devin is. I also only leave Devin with a small few select people because I am always afraid that Devin will fly into one of his extreme-refuse-to-comply-with-anything-and-scream-bloody-murder fits and they will get angry and not know what to do except make it worse.

I am not a perfect parent as I am sure that nobody is. But, I do know that my child knows he is loved and I can assure you that he is not an abused child, although I have threatened to suck out his soul or ship him off to abudaubi.

So, maybe this will help you understand a little bit or to ease your mind.

I can not say that I know exactly how you feel and I certainly hope that I never do. I can only empathize and apologize deeply for your loss. I'm sure that what you had to endure has taken it's toll on you and I could see why Devin being smacked in the mouth would anger you.

I welcome all comments, the original one you left felt like I had been blind sided and left me reeling and wanting to counter attack. I apologize once more.

And, I added my email to my profile. I didn't realize it was not there.

Sincerely,

Jennie

New/Old post

2008-12-29T20:51:00.002-06:00

I posted an old post that I had found saved in my drafts. But, it posted back in November. It is titled poopy pants the sequel.

3 White Zinfandel's to the wind

2008-12-29T10:35:00.002-06:00

Last night was a blast. I met my cousin's and my one aunt at Quaker Steak and Lube. www.quakersteakandlube.com. Chris didn't go because his dad came up from Florida, so him and his brother took there dad to Chili's.

I wasn't going to meet everybody out because I didn't want to ask anybody to watch the boys. Sometimes Devin can be a bit trying on people's nerves and three kids is alot when you are used to a calm life.

But, Manda www.mandasrandonness.blogspot.com to the rescue! She offered/insisted that I leave the boys to go have some quality time with the cousins. Well, twist my arm and shove me out the door, I'm gone. But only after Jason, Manda's husband, gave me the once over and said,
"I hope you're going to go home and change first and maybe like, brush your hair."

So, I went home brushed my hair, changed my oversized shirt and put some more deodorant on. So fresh and so clean.

I got there and was only going to stay long enough to drink my glass of wine and briefly meet my cousin Shannon's new boyfriend. When my drink was up and I was getting ready to go, they said to at least call and check on the boys to see if I was needed. As usual, Manda had things under control. Even with 9 kids at her house, she somehow managed to get my two younger ones to sleep at their normal time.

So, I sat and had two more glasses of wine. I could feel myself getting louder and there was nothing I could do to stop myself. The next thing I know my brother is telling me to tone it down before they slap a banished picture of me on every Quaker Steak and Lube. I guess they don't like it when you are calling/yelling about hooker's in the middle of the restaurant. But, in my defense, I was yelling at my 17 year old cousin for having sleazy pictures on facebook. I told her if she wants to be a hooker, then she should just whip it all off right there in the middle of the restaurant.

It was a good thing that Chris stopped in to say Hello on his way home, because I was way beyond the driving point. He drove me home, but I swear that the car was moving in all directions. We played some wii watched an episode of lost and fell asleep on the couch until 4:00 when I woke up thirstier than a cactus. We both chugged some ice water and went to bed.

And here I am today. Still chuggin the water and some cappuccino from Dunkin Donuts. What a combo.

Hey Pamela, I'm calling you out...

2008-12-24T00:07:00.002-06:00

This is in response to a comment left on my blog in response to when Devin was smacked in the chops for screaming bloody murder at his grandpa.

A women named Pamela, whose own blog is set to private so I could not view it or respond, left a comment stating, "No child deserves to be smacked. That is child abuse, plain and simple!"

Ok perfect Pamela, I am going to assume that you left this comment out of a general need to reach out and save a child. Or maybe to help me see the errors of my ways.

Because I know that you, Perfect Pamela, would never EVER assume that you know me, that you know my children, that you know my lifestyle, that you would judge my parenting or disciplinary techniques.

I know, Perfect Pamela, that you would never do these things because that would make you an idiot. And I know that you could never be an idiot perfect pam.

I do not need to answer to you or for you to judge or critique my life for me. That is not what I made this blog for. I made it to share some stories that I thought might be interesting or funny.

While your concern is duly noted you can keep it to yourself, Perfect Pamela. Thank you.

Sharing a meal

2008-12-22T18:10:00.000-06:00

Yummy yum....gargle....burp....blech

Chris is asleep with a headache leaving me and the boys stranded with no dinner. Thoughs of you who know anything about me know that I do not cook anything that can not be microwaved or toaster ovened. And, I can even screw those up.

So, tonight we had what everybody wanted.

Polenta with butter and salt (Devin)
String cheese (Nuby)
Bananas (Peyton)
Salsa with melted cheese and scoops (Me)
Spinach artichoke dip from www.grandpascheesebarn.com and scoops (Me)
Chocolate milk (family drink)
Cheddar chex mix (left by coin)

I feel kind of sickly full. I just thought I would share our dinner.

Nuby strikes again.

2008-12-22T17:05:00.001-06:00

Ok, I was reading and commenting on blogs and had left the laptop on the chair to make Devin some chocolate milk and change Peyton's stinky buns. Nuby took this opportunity to play on the laptop.

When I started writing my blog, the letters kept turning to that funky wing ding font. I kept deleting the words and re-writing them but every time I hit the space bar my word would change from english to some fucked up mumbo jumbo. After writing the word santa ten million times and watching it change to garble I was beyond furious. I was swearing and slamming the tiny little space bar key. I stood up and shook the laptop out in front of me wishing I could give it shaken laptop syndrome. Then I plopped it onto the chair and went to the kitchen to find a snack to calm me down.

After my halloween candy happiness, I came back and explored in the settings. That darn little Nuby had changed my font to Hindi. How does he do these things?

Another Nuby strikes again happened last week when Chris and I went to pick up Coin-O in Maumee. We got there fine and picked up Coin and Bo and were setting off to bring her here. No problem, right? We are adults who had driven there fine. We set our Garmin to home and set off. I was so excited. Chris sets off for the entrance to the highway and Coin says that this isn't the way that she usually went. We scoff at her...how could she possibly think that she knows better than Garmin. He is the ultimate navigation guy in our car. So, we ignore her. We ignore the person who has been driving this route for years. We start out in the direction the Garmin tells us dispite her warnings.

What the hell did that sign say?
We are headed for the wrong freaking state!
What the hell Garmin?
You lied to us?!?

I then remember Nuby the last trip we went on, Nuby was sitting with Garmin. I check the settings and realize that he has changed the home address to somewhere in Dayton, Ohio which is four hours away from where we live. I reset it and get us back on track. Sorry Coin. I will never trust Garmin over Coin again.

How does Nuby sneak and do these things?

The rest of the story

2008-12-13T17:26:00.000-06:00

So, I get Devin up to the bathroom and try to peel his pants off without being too messy. OH NO FREAKING WAY...liquid poo is pouring out of his swishy pants and running down his legs. I get him on the potty and for the love of all that's holy, he has more farty splurging poo. I hand him the bucket and he is now dry heaving in the bucket while his butt is threatening to turn inside out.

There is poop all over the floor, the smell is overwhelming vicious, I am now gagging myself and the two younger boys are trying to navigate into the bathroom around the piles of poop. So, now I'm attempting to wipe Devin's butt while simultaneously not throwing up on my sick child and yelling at Nuby and Peyton to go play outside of the bathroom. I managed to get them out and shut the door, wipe Devin and clean up the mucusy liquid poop from the grout.

All in all Devin crapped his pants three times, projectile pooped in the toilet 5 times, puked in the bathtub twice and puked in random spots in the house throughout the day.

Cleaning after the war

2008-12-13T10:22:00.000-06:00

EXPLICIT WARNING: Not for the light stomach individuals.

Phew...yesterday was a rough day that I was ill prepared for. Never NEVER EVER in my life have I experienced such raw stankin horror.

Ok, let me start at the beginning. So, settle in and get a napkin in case you need to dry heave.

Peyton has a horrific cough that started after a 5 day stay Thanksgiving trip to my mom's house. It's not just a regular cough. He coughs until he gags and dry heaves. His little face turns beat red as he is trying to catch his breath. The doctor said it was probably just due to being in a smoking environment (my mom's). It is getting better now that we have a cool mist humidifier in his room at night. Night time is when most of the "attacks" occur.

So, Thursday I had a meeting in Columbus, which is where my mom lives. So, we took off before the butt crack of dawn for Columbus. Two and a half hours into the trip Peyton starts coughing until he throws up all over himself. Lovely. There is no exit in sight and I am not pulling over for fear of a speeding car hitting us as we are parked. I hand Devin a towel and like the good big brother he is, he goes to town cleaning the puke off of Peyton while Nuby is holding his nose yelling, "EW, Pey Pey stinks". Needless to say the car was smelly gross the whole 3 hour ride home that night too.

Before leaving for the night, we went out to eat with my mom and stepdad. Devin was an all out little shit head. Usually when with my mom he is an angel, but during one of my trips taking Peyton and Nuby to the restroom, Devin took it upon himself to throw his fork, slam his little fists on the table and blatantly refuse to obey anything. My stepdad took/carried him outside to recompose himself, where Devin decided to just scream at the top of his lungs. Grandpa smacked him in the mouth and apparently this was what he needed to regain control. They came back inside and Devin finished his meal with red pathetic puffy eyes.

We got on the road a little after 7:00 and Devin quickly zonked out. Him and Peyton slept the rest of the way home while Nuby chattered non-stop about motorcyles and dogs.

When we got home, Chris had all the bedtime supplies ready and we put the three boys in their beds.

This is where all hell breaks loose. Nuby likes to wander around in the middle of the night silently doing his own thing. I wake up to find him sitting in my bed in between me and Chris looking at pictures and talking to them. I fall back asleep to wake up to Peyton coughing and Nuby calling, "Daddy, Pey Pey's coughin, He wants you." Chris and I both get out of bed to handle the situation. We get them back to sleep.

We go back to sleep and I wake up to hear Devin shrieking. I find him standing in the hallway. I have to yell at him to get a response to why he is crying. "I pukeded". I send him into the bathroom to wait for me while I investigate. His stomach must have woken him up and he leaned over his top bunk and puked onto the floor. We have hard wood floors, so of course it splattered everywhere. On his way down the ladder he must have thrown up a second time and this is when I believe he started shrieking, because he probably did not know what the heck his little body was doing.

I get him and his room cleaned up and put him back to bed. 6:00 rolls around and I hear the splatter sound again. Clean again and put him in bed with me. Get up at 7:45 to call off work and get up with Peyton. Devin gets up and heads straight to the bathroom to throw up again.

I made him a little bed on the couch and wait to call my friend Lora was is far more experienced in the realm of throwing up than I am. Bad idea, I am jinxed. Everything she warns me of comes true. As she is warning me that diahrrea may accompany the puking, Devin asks me for new underwear. When I inquire to the whereabouts of his underwear, he says that he had an accident. I head up to the bathroom to find a toilet full of projectile diahrrea and his underwear must have taken the brunt of the force. Gagging, I clean it up the floor surrounding the toilet, seal the underwear in a bag and throw them away.

Devin is back on the couch in clean clothes and I put a bucket next to him with a towel under it. He poops/explodes two more times, thankfully, all in the toilet. I call Lora back to ask her what the hell I should do. She tells me to make sure he is staying hydrated and not to give him too much water at a time because it will make him throw up. So, I give him a sippy cup of water and tell him to drink slow. I head into the kitchen to clean up after breakfast. The other boys want some string cheese so, I ask Devin if he would like some cheese too (against Lora's advice of NO FOOD). Devin politely declines and leans over to start violently puking up the water. I pull his little body off of the couch to get closer to the bucker. He finished up (never cries once) and tells me the he poopeded, it was an accident and he is sorry. I tell him that he doesn't have to worry, he's sick and sometimes that these things happen when you are sick. He waddles up to the bathroom so I can clean him up.

To be continued...

Lost and mortified

2008-12-10T16:29:00.000-06:00

My life has been absolutely completely taken over by the tv series lost. We have now ordered 4 seasons and we are currently watching season 2. It is ALL we do. I dream about it every night and when I compare everyone I know, see or meet to the characters on lost. I LOVE LOST! With that said, I'm sure you know why I haven't been posting consistently. I've been watching episode after episode of lost.

I do have a few funny stories to share with you though...

Teeny tiny boobs and strange growing hair.

I have not bought new bras since before I began my three year stint of making babies, having babies and nursing babies. My boobs have been dramatically deformed from all of this. So, I finally decided it was time to go get some new bras. Me, Chris and Peyton took off for the mall because I had a wonderful $10 off coupon for Victoria's Secret. We get there and start browsing around and I pick out a few bras in "my size" and take them to the fitting room to try on.

On my way in, the lovely store lady asks me if I need sized. I kindly decline wondering to myself, "What the hell does that even mean? I don't want this little girl with her perfect hair, make-up and young body in here feeling me up and judging my two different sized boobs and my old lady stomach." So, I try on the first bra which doesn't quite fit right. I call out to chris to go and get me a different size. Him and Peyton go and find what I had requested and promptly bring it back. I try it on and it doesn't look right either. I try on the other bra I had brought in with me and that doesn't fit right either. So, again I send Chris and Peyton out to hunt down a different size. They bring it back and again it doesn't look right.

At this point, I start to think that maybe I don't even know what size I am any more. So, I regretfully press the little buzzer to call the lady. She comes to the door and asks me in her sickly sweet voice, "What'd ya need, hon?" I'm peeking out the crack in the door, standing in the bra that just won't fit right, and tell her that I think I need sized. No problem she says and comes on in with her measuring tape.

I now know that getting measured is not the violating process that I had imagined. Nobody comes in and starts grabbing your ta tas to check your bust size. They simply use a measuring tape and measure above your bust (or in my case, my lack of bust). She infoms me that I am a 32 A.

I am speechless..........

Where did they go? Did my children suck the life out of them while rootin for their milk?

Ok. Whatever. They're gone.

As she is measuring above my boobs, I am standing in the bra that is too big. Therefore, you can see right into it and her face is right above my bosom reading the numbers on the tape. Let me explain that while my mother is all Italian, I look completely like my welsh, irish, german father. But, my mother bestowed upon me the wonderful charm of Italian nipple hairs. Don't laugh. And of course, I had been out of town for the last week and severely busy the week before that, so I had not gotten to remove the little hairs from their home. So, she is face to face with the few dark coarse hairs that in my eyes are big enough to wrap around her neck and choke the life out of her.

I am mortified.

If she noticed, she did not say a word or let on that she even saw them waving out at her.

Anyways, I got two new bras and I'm happy that my little girls are now supported instead of just resting in their little mobile homes.

Turkey Hands!

2008-11-30T22:48:00.000-06:00

Wow, I sure haven't posted in awhile. So, I will run down the updates since I last posted.

Devin...
For those of you who know anything about my five year old you will appreciate his big accomplishment. Devin has a hard time sitting for any length of time and absolutely despises anything to do with writing anything that even resembles the alphabet. So, I have been trying to do different things at home to show him that the letters will not suck his soul out. One night I got out all of our artsy craftsy stuff to make turkey hands. Me, Dev and Nuby traced our hands and were coloring our "feathers" when Devin decided he had enough and took a black crayon and make dark violent scribbles all over his turkey. I asked him why he would do that to the turkey he had worked so hard on and he just stares at me with his corky like face with his tongue half hanging out and shrugs his shoulders. This face drives me freaking crazy. So, I fly into a rage and rip up his turkey hand, tell him he made it ugly and throw it away.

Yes, I know I'm an asshole. I guess me and Devin are too much alike with rage and attention spans. We made a new turkey hand which is now proudly hanging on the wall in the dining room.

That is the prequel to his big accomplisment. We went to my mother's for Thanksgiving and we had been talking about making turkey hands to take for everybody. On Monday, we talked about our plans to mass make turkey hands after school that day. When I got there to pick him up that afternoon his little cubby was full of papers. I pulled them out and was looking at page after page of his unsteady tracing of his little hand. He came running over and said, "Look, mom, I made my turkey hands!" His teacher said that while everybody was running around and playing (which running is Devin's FAVORITE pastime) Devin was in the writing center deligently tracing his hand on scrap paper and putting each one in his cubby as he was finished.

We brought home the turkey hands and he cut every single one out and glued it to constuction paper. The following day we rushed home because I had worked an hour and a half over and we had a very short time span to finish the turkeys, bake cookies like I had promised, pack all of our bags and be ready for me to watch Lost at 9:00. So, we got home, ate dinner, baked cookies, and Devin got his sharpie and sat and wrote his name on each turkey. Any of you who know my Devin, knows that writing his name even once is a task. He wrote it on every single turkey and then he even put the finishing touches on them. Every good turkey hand needs eyes a beak and bright colored feathers.

I am so stinkin proud of my little man. These turkey hands may seem like a walk in the park to many five year olds or even 3 year olds, but this is a HUGE milestone for my Dev. I am going to have to take a picture of one and post it so you all can share in the turkey hand wonder.

Sorry

2008-11-22T23:10:00.001-06:00

I typed out a whole long post the other day but when I hit the "publish post" button, it all disappeared. So, I wanted to let you all know what will be coming...

Coming to a blog near you...

Poopy Pants: The Sequel

Poopy pants...the sequel

2008-11-18T21:33:00.001-06:00

Since I haven't had anything funny happen lately, I decided to post another poopy pants story.

Ok. So, I have a pretty high stress job. I oversee multiple early childhood and school age programs throughout our county. It used to be a job that was split up between five people, but through the years they have "re-structred" (screwed people as much as they possibly can) the management positions. They finally had it whittled down to two people. Myself and my friend Coin-O, who was the assistant manager. When Coin-O left to work at a higher paying less stress job (can't blame her) they decided that they were re-structuring once more and wouldn't be refilling the position. Yeah for me.

In the weeks following her absence I was beside myself with frustration and feeling overwhelmed. When I get like this, I get the crazy-poos.

Crazy-poos- Extreme stomach cramps that come and go in waves. These waves bring hot flashes, searing pain and nauseau. It also gives you about a 10-20 second window to hobble your cramped up body to a toilet before your butt splurches. You must place yourself that must have walls or bars to hold on to.

Back to the story. I had been suffering for the crazy poos for quite a few days. I wasn't sure if my poor bum could take any more. I was so raw that I was now patting my poor bottom with scented baby wipes.

After days of this, I am at home with all of the kids doing something that I can't even remember. I was having a moment of peacefullness. I was just standing in my living room, staring out the giant picture window as the wind blew through the trees thinking of how it looked exactly like this when I was little. When....it....happened........

It hit quick this time. So quick that I didn't even know it happened. While staring out the window with a look of pure bliss on my face...I...farted.

Thought process in my head.

Hmmmmmmmmmm...

I didn't even know I had to toot.

That sure burned.

It's still burning!

Why is it still burning?

Is it burning on the inside or outside?

I think it's burning on the outside...

No

No

No

NOOOOO

There is no way this is happening again.

(I still have not moved from my blissful position at this point)

I then decide that I should check out the possible situation that could be escalating as the burning is spreading on the outside. I take off waddling up the stairs to keep it from smearing. Yep, smashed up carrots.

Why is this happening to me, God?

Can't you leave my poor butt alone for once.

I peel my clothing off and carefully step into the shower to wash my stinky butt. You would think that just pooping would make me gag. Nope, apparently I'm ok with the pooping part. But, I am not ok with washing my own butt when there is poo on it.

I won't go anymore into detail...ha ha ha...well, anymore than I already have. Ok, that sentence was ridiculous but I am going to leave it there cause it made me laugh.

Look at my award!

2008-11-15T11:08:00.000-06:00

I originally started this blog after reading my friend's blog. She recently moved away and I check her blog obsessively to see what she is up to. I am usually the person who tells the stupidly funny stories at functions, so I thought why don't I tell my stories on my blog? And, that's what I do now.

My friend Jenny http://www.taleoftwocoins.blogspot.com/ awarded me the blog award, I'm lovin' your blog. I like to think it is because my blog is funny to read and people enjoy it but it could very well be that she feels sorry for me because I have no blog friends. ha ha ha.

The award rules go as follows:

Now it's time for YOU to share this award with blogs you love to read!Here are the Rules:

1. The winner can put the logo on his/her blog.

2. Link the person from whom you received your award.

3. Nominate at least seven other blogs

4. Put links of those blogs on yours, and

5. Leave a message on the blogs that you've nominated!

I'm awarding the I Love Your Blog award to...

1. http://www.jenerahealy.blogspot.com/

2. http://aande.wordpress.com/

Unfortunately, since I am relatively new to the blogger world, I do not have seven people to pass on this award to, so I will pass it on to the few people that I do follow regularly.

Congratulations guys! I love your blogs. You can copy and paste the award into your blog now.

Busy Busy Week

2008-11-11T22:34:00.000-06:00

This week is a busy one for me so I thought that I would leave a post while I have a second.

I started my second block of classes this week and am still waiting on my final project scores from last week. I know I did good in my class that was pointless, but I'm not holding my breath for my english class. The professor must have been pulled out of a cracker jack box because I probably could have taught the class just as well as she did. At one point in the class, my computer was being an ass and wouldn't let me open the documents I needed to complete. So, I only got to turn in half of my assignment. She must not really look at things because she sure gave me a 100% on the assignment. Then I got absolutely no relevant feedback from her regarding my rough drafts on my final project and received no peer feedback because the student assigned my essay decided not to do it. So, I decided that if you can't win, piss as many people off as possible. During all of our assignment question days, I played devil's advocate and challenged everybody's answers. On surveys for the teacher, I told it like it was and said the class sucked balls. So, we'll see what kind of grade I get.

Yesterday I traveled 4 hours for a training. Tonight I had a meeting after work. Tomorrow I have to work late to train a new employee. Thursday I have to travel 6 hours for work. Friday I have to work late to finish training a new employee. So, I may not get to blog again until this weekend. Please don't cane me.

See ya after my busy busy week.

New picture link thingy

2008-11-08T08:01:00.000-06:00

I added a button on the right linking to the "Bring the Rain" log. Particulary to the praying for your children page. Check it out, pray for your children.

Ok, I will cut this one off short since most of my post are extremely long.

Cold cloudy morning

2008-11-08T07:15:00.000-06:00

I have been on this crazy cleaning streak for over two weeks now. I am normally a very lazy messy kind of person. I would rather be playing in the mud than cleaning. I was once quoted stating that I would rather eat my own poop than ever clean the kitchen again. Just for the record, I never did eat or ever attempt to eat my own poop. And, I have cleaned the kitchen several hundred times since then.

I think it is because I haven't had any friends to play with and it's getting too cold to go play outside. Two weeks ago my friend (kind of sister-in-law) was scheduled to be induced to have her second baby. I had been super excited waiting for her. Our group is made up primarily of all boys with the exception of Cadence. We had made arrangements so that her oldest, who is the same age as Devin, would stay with me. Devin and Tyler go to preschool together so, if she would have happened to go into labor on her own, it made sense that he stay with me to still continue with school.

Anyway, she was scheduled to be induced on a Friday around noon. So, I changed my schedule at work to be able to get off at 2:30 to be sure that I wouldn't miss anything. I left work picked up all the kids and called Jamie (my friend/sister-in-law) to see if anything was going on. Nothing eventful yet. I told her that I was taking all the boys home and we were going to eat, play outside for awhile and then we would be up. Sounded great. It was the plan we had been talking about for weeks.

Then me and Chris decided that maybe we would find a sitter for some of our crew to focus on just Tyler, since this was HIS baby sister. Chris called his brother, who is Jamie's husband, to see what he was doing and told him of our plan. Everything comes to a screaching HAAAALLLTTT! Lee, Chris' brother, does not want Tyler at the hospital. He doesn't think it is a good idea. This is as we are finalizing to leave. At this point, I am completely floored. Of course, if only one of us is able to go up then it will be Chris. It is his brother after all. But, I am the one who changed my schedule at work to make sure I was able to get all the kids and not miss anything. I kept calling/texting to see what was going on during the day. Nobody asked me if I minded staying home. If they would have, I would have told them that they needed to find somebody to keep Tyler during the time that I could go see the new baby. To say that I was livid, is the understatement of the year. I was wishing giant obnoxious episiotomies on Jamie and trying to wrap the umbilical cord around Lee's neck with my mind power.

But, to shorten up the beginning of the mayhem...when I get upset or angry I need to keep moving. Since, Jamie was in the hospital and my friend next door has been all holed up with every sickness known to the human race, I have been cleaning. My laundry has been done, my dishes are not only washed but put away. Oh and Coin http://www.thetaleoftwocoins.blogspot.com will appreciate this one...my Aunt Suzy bought me a sweet new vaccuum. And I have been washing out the bagless canister every time I sweep. I sicken myself.

Poopy pants...

2008-11-05T17:49:00.000-06:00

Oh buddy, where to start? First, I need to let you know that toilet humor IS THE funniest humor. And anybody who looks in disgust instead of cracking up uncontrollably is a big ol' faker. When me and my big brood of cousins all get together, you can bet your ass crack that the conversation will soon turn to poop and farts. It doesn't matter what the setting may be...weddings, church dinners, christmas...it always ends up the same.

Nutty poop, squishy poop, shrapnel poop, phantom poop, fiahrrea poop, goat pebble poop, crazy poop, whole food poop...etc. you get the point.

You get the point that poop is hilarious. But, only when you are talking of poop that goes directly from your or other said person's butt directly into the toilet.

Let me take you back a few years, approximately 4. I had the worst stomach ache. It was the kind of stomach pains that come in waves and make you feel like you have horrific gas. I was like this for about two days but continued working as it was after all, only a stomach ache. I needed to take some supplies to an outside site, so I went down to the basement and grabbed a 50 pound box. This should be no big deal for me. I am not hercules by any means but definately pride myself on being able to do things myself. (I'm a big girl) So, I carry the box up the two flights of stairs from the basement to my office. Oh no, here comes a stomach cramp. I bend over to set the box down, trying to not let it pull me off my feet as I am bending when a fart escapes. It's one of those farts that slowly leak out and you can't for the life of you pinch it off. It just slowly keeps on a leaking and a whinin'. So, I stand up quickly and realize that although my butt has disposed off all of it's gas that the burn is now persisting on, not the inside, but the outside of my buns. That's when the smell slaps me in the face. BLECH. I am now in a full blown panic with my mind racing a gazillion miles a minute.

"No, it was just a fart, it was not poop. I did not poop in my pants. Oh God, what is that smell. Where is everyone. Did someone hear it. Can someone smell me. What do I do. Where do I go. Why is it still burning. Do I feel something running down my leg."

I take off running out of my office, trying not to let my butt cheeks rub together, and head for the second floor bathroom which is usually unoccupied. I lock myself in a stall and "check" the specimen. Yes yes yes, oh no. I have squishy water poo with something that looks like carrot slivers happily staring back at me.

Anyway, this is a favorite story with my friends as my one friend who also worked there had to assist me. Did she come down to tell me it was ok since I was sick? Hell no, I called her from the phone in the hallway and could hear her laughing through the stairwell from the next floor up. Gotta love your friends!

I didn't have anything crazy happen this week so, I thought you all might get a kick out of my poopy pants story. If you are lucky, there might be a sequel to this later this week.

What a week

2008-10-27T18:24:00.000-05:00

Man, have I got some updates for you. Oh, where to start?

Dr. appointment last Friday.

Edgar...I went to the Dr. for my physical and she decided that edgar is not a hernia and very well might be my inner fart. She said that sometimes your abdominal muscles get weak and your intestines can be felt. However, I have to make an appointment for an ultrasound just to make sure it isn't something else. So, I will get around to doing that at some point in time because, I had some week last week.

I also had to get my tuberculosis testing again. For those of you who don't know me, I have a completely irrational fear of anything that pierces the skin. So, that tiny little needle that barely even goes under your skin and wouldn't bother probably 95% of people looked like a plunger sized needle racing at my arm at 5 gazillion miles per hour.

Being by myself, I decided that I was going to be a big girl and I didn't need somebody to coax me through it. This sounded reasonable and completely doable in my head until the nurse touched me. She was only cleaning my arm with the little antiseptic wipe. But, I tell you that I almost crapped myself from the terror. She then held my arm and wiped it off again and the yank set in. I tried oh so hard to tell myself not to move the arm, but I whipped/yanked it out of her grasp. She patiently said, "Are you afraid of needles?" I start muttering (half to her, half to myself) something to the effect of, "yeah a little bit i guess so it's ok". I give her my arm back silently cursing myself for being such a damn asshole. But, I then proceed to yank the stupid arm off of her five more times before she is able to skewer my arm. While the needle is in my arm and she is injecting tuberculosis into me (probably wishing I would get it) I am wiggling my fingers back and forth when I realize that the nurse is standing directly in front of me and I am flicking my fingers back and forth on her boob. The wonderfully patient nurse says nothing and I quickly tell my fingers to stop that.

That was my visit to the doctor

Monday morning...

I was in my office working when I got a call from one of the girls that Peyton was crying and they couldn't calm him down so I went down to see what was wrong. I carried him around for a few moments before I realized that he was not moving his left arm at all. I semi-started freaking out pacing around holding him before I pulled it together, called Chris and took off for the emergency room. When we got there the dr. came in and pulled his arm all around but said that she wasn't hearing the clicking noise it should make when you pop it back in to place so she sent us for x-rays.

X-rays were awful. Chris had to pretty much climb all 6' 3" of himself and lay on Peyton on the x-ray table to keep him still. They were twisting his poor little arm all around taking pictures. They sent us back to our room for awhile and then back for more x-rays because I think they liked torturing him before diagnosing him with nursemaid elbow and sending us home promising that mobility would return little by little.

We got home and he still wasn't moving it...AT ALL. When he would fall, he wouldn't even twitch it as if he were going to catch himself. He would just fall on his face.

So, the next morning I took him to his pediatrician where he reduced (fixed) his elbow 5 more times before he said he felt it click. Peyton still wouldn't move it and would turn absolutely hysterical if the Dr even spoke in his direction. His Dr. then sent us to a pediatric er for more x-rays.

When we got there, that Dr. reduced his elbow again. Then sent us for more torturous x-rays which showed nothing again. So, they splinted his arm and referred us to a pediatric orthopedist. We went there the next day, now wednesday, and she was unable to see anything on the x-rays but thought there might be a crack somewhere. She re-splinted his arm and wants to take more x-rays this coming wednesday.

Last night, Chris was undressing him when Peyton yanked his arm clean out of the splint. Chris starts yelling frantically for me and I run up to the bathroom to find him standing there dangling Peyton's shirt in front of him with the splint still inside the sleeve and Peyton dancing like a chicken, completely butt naked and cracking up. He is moving the arm normally and back to his good old self.

This post is getting so long that I will have to update you on the rest later this week. I will also post on of Peyton in his little splint and sling because I can not find the USB cable right now.

Edgar update and spider stories

2008-10-19T00:14:00.000-05:00

Ok. I went to the doctor on Friday and while it was not confirmed that Edgar is my inner fart, I still don't have an answer. She said that it did not feel like a hernia but she would like me to go and have an ultrasound done to make sure that there isn't any trouble going on in there. She thinks it is possibly weak abdominal muscles and my intestines can be felt through them.

Hmmm....I do believe that would be my inner fart. It would finally make sense of the bubbling feeling that Edgar sometimes has. Oh how ashamed I am. My inner fart sticking outside of my body. And to think of all the innocent people that I made touch my inner fart. Suckers!

Why must every other commercial at night be scary movie trailers? I just looked up at the tv that had fallen silent to see a big zombie guy staring back at me. Scared the inner fart out of me! Just a tidbit of random information about me. I am TERRIFIED of spiders and the dark. When I say TERRIFIED, the word in caps does the actual fear no justice. Let me tell you one of my many many horrific spider/car experiences...

Setting: Driving down a long country road in my S10.

So, I'm flying down the road on my way to work with the radio blaring Dixie Chicks and singing along like I think I'm one of them when I feel something tickle my arm. I look down to see a grand daddy long legs galloping up my arm with a blood thirsty look in all eight of his eyes. I start flailing my arm about the car while I'm screaming. I look back at my arm after I stop flailing and squawking (still flying down the road) and my arm is spider free. My heart is pumping at maybe 400 beats per minute at this point and I try to focus on the radio instead of the galloping spider image that keeps playing over and over in my head......

Got sleepy all of a sudden. It is 1:30 in the morning after all. I will keep you all in suspense for the end of the spider story. Dun dun duuuuuun

Edgar...my inner fart?

2008-10-14T20:23:00.000-05:00

Ok, I stole this from Nancy's blog.

Post the 6th picture from your 6th blog. I only have three folders. So, here are the 6th pictures in each one.

The first is Chris' truck. We have just as many pictures of the cars as we do of our children. The second is Chris walking through the house drinking pop and yes, those are mounds of laundry in the background. And the third is our last Christmas picture.

I am excited for this weekend. My friend Coin-O is coming into town and I haven't seen her in awhile. I also have to work this weekend. Blah. Oh yeah, I am going to get a physical on Friday and hopefully will find out what Edgar is.

Edgar is this thingy that sticks out of my lower stomach-upper pelvis area on the right sometimes. He's been there since before I got pregnant with my second, but soon disappeared inside my giant swollen body. Now that I am back to a normal body, he's back. I am convinced that the Dr is going to laugh at me and tell me that it's just my little farts popping up before they pop out. But I suppose that will be better than a hernia. I'll keep ya posted.

Party pictures

2008-10-12T21:09:00.000-05:00

Here are a couple pics from Saturday. We had Dev's party in the morning. Only a few of his friends made it, but he was thrilled just being at the bounce-a-round. I had loads of fun too! We spent 1 1/2 hours jumping and running and playing. Afterwards, we went to a halloween party bonfire so they kids got to get dressed up in their costumes. Nuby was in his costume for a total of maybe 5 minutes before he started trying to rip it off. Devin wore his Hulk costume to the party but took it off after being there for 15 minutes because he was sweaty.

I don't have any funny stories that are sticking out in my head right now. So, that's it for this post. Hope everyone's weekend went good.

TGIF again...

2008-10-10T20:13:00.001-05:00

Ok. Apparently my post needs updated. My ONE follower said so. So, I will explain to you why I am sitting here on the couch alternating the ice pack from my hip bone to my elbow to my head.

In a rush to get all of the pre-party planning done tonight, because Devin's 5th birthday party is at 11:45 tomorrow, I jumped in the shower with Chris. (Nothing nasty, just wanted some hot water too). Well, as usual when it's just me and him. We get totally slap happy stupid. He kept grabbing my hand and jerking my arm out and in real fast which would in turn make the flabby part of my arm slap my side. It would make this awful 'towel flicking' noise and we were doubled over with laughter doing it over and over again. He kept pulling my arm harder which was making it louder until my elbow cracked my hip bone, which had us doubled over in laughter. Well, I guess for me it was 1/4 laughter and 3/4 pain. Unbeknownst to me, Chris' head is right over mine. I jerk my head up and Chris' big ol' front tooth gets embedded into the top of my head. So, now I'm holding my head and my hip and Chris is holding his tooth. It really was hilarious.

On a lighter note, tomorrow is going to be fun. Devin's party is in the morning and then we might go to a kids halloween party later that night. Devin is going to be the Hulk, Nuby a vampire and Peyton an elephant. I will post pictures of our fun-filled events later this weekend.

Song Tribute

2008-10-06T21:09:00.000-05:00

I have added a playlist thingy to the bottom of my blog, but didn't know what kind of music I wanted on it. My music styles varies all the time. I am an upbeat kind of loud and obnoxious person. So, I thought I would break you in with a few soft ones that are on my playlist at work. Confession...I started liking Jonatha Brook after watching Peter Pan-Return to Neverland.

Any requests for the future? I was thinking of some Mambo Italiano.

Come, meet the family.

2008-10-05T08:54:00.000-05:00

Here's the family. On top is Peyton(on the horse and oh so pleased about it) with Chris(complete with his shaded safety glasses) walking next to him.

Below that is Nuby on the left and Devin on the right.

TGIF

2008-10-03T23:59:00.000-05:00

Well, the week is finally over and a relaxed-fun-filled with no work drama weekend lay ahead. Tomorrow we are going to our family's annual pig roast. Yes, we are still one of those hillbilly families that buy a hog(head, legs, tail and all), put him on a spit, and watch him roast. I don't particularly like to eat the pig. I love me some pork, but can't eat something with the eyes looking back at me. However, I have been known to chase my little cousins with the head after they cut it off. Yeah, kind of sick I know. I can't help myself.

So, Nuby is turning into the nightime condiment bandit of the house. That little crap keeps sneaking out of bed and doing the oddest things without me knowing and sneaking back to bed. Tonight, I put all the boys to bed and started on my homework in the living room. Now, keep in mind that my the stairs and hallway are directly in front of me as I am doing my homework. Nuby somehow snuck out of his room without me hearing or seeing him and went into the bathroom. I noticed him when he came walking out saying, "I'm sleepy, I go to bed". I looked at him to see a big blob of white shaving cream on top of his blonde little head and equal obnoxious amounts of shaving cream all over his footy pajamas. I went upstairs to investigate further and found the bathroom sink, counters, floor and yes the toilet covered in shaving cream and toothpaste. He was so stinking proud of himself. As I was cleaning him up and stripping his shaving creamy footy pajamas off of him, he kept stating "I make mess, mommy". Yes Nuby, you made a big mess. I cleaned everything up, put him in his spider man jammies and put him back in bed. I THOUGHT he was asleep.

I went out to see what Chris was working on in the garage for 10 minutes and came back in to finish my homework. Mmmmmm...drinking my cream soda. Tastes funny...kind of bitter. Kind of makes me want to gag. I take a bigger swig trying to swish the taste out of my mouth. Gross...what is that smell and that taste? That's when I noticed the bottle of sleepy massage oil next to my cream soda. I smell the cream soda. Yes, it smells like chamomile. That little crap is now trying to poison me. ha ha ha.

Here we go...

2008-10-02T22:01:00.000-05:00

Ok...I'm not sure where to start so here goes...

Work
I love the work I do and hate where I work, if that makes any sense. I work in the early childhood education field and desperately believe in what I do. It's a very high stress job though. You have loads of responsibilities and little recognition, in both wages and word of mouth. I am currently so overloaded at work that I come home and lay in bed awake thinking about the tasks that I need to get done the next day. I used to love where I worked when my old buddies were there. But they all left me and now I just kind of want the building to burn down.

Family
I am a cradle robber of sorts (and proud of it). I am now 28 years old and my fiance is only 22. We've been together for four years now. So, yes...I did steal him fresh off the lot. mwah ha ha ha. Seriously though, he is great (when he's not great). We have the most fun together doing stupid things, like talking only out of the right side of our mouths for a whole night just because we found it to be funny. We have three beautifully crazy children. Devin will be 5 this month. Nuby (Christopher) is 2 1/2 and Peyton is 1. They all have such different personalities that you wouldn't know that they were related(except they all look alike).

My mom, stepdad, sister, brother in-law and my brood of nephews live in Columbus. We live in our house with my dad and my brother doesn't live far from us. I love my family.

Tonight I am sitting here all lonely in my hormonal nuva ring state. I spent the first half of my day freaking out because my aunt called this morning to tell me my mother had a stroke. Of course that sent me into hysterics. They later released her from the hospital and told her there was nothing wrong with her. I disagree, but we won't get into all that right now.

Chris is asleep with a migraine and I have finished my homework for the night. So, now I am just sitting here watching My Big Redneck Wedding missing everyone and wishing I had someone to talk to.

Ok...see ya'll later

Hello blogger world!!!

2008-09-17T13:24:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if I have anything worth blogging about, but here goes...
My name is Jennie. I have 28 years old and have snagged myself a fiance (he's 22). We have three beautifully bad boys: Devin, Christopher AKA: Nuby, and Peyton. Our lives are anything but normal. People often tell us that we are crazy and always flying by the seat of our pants. That is pretty much accurate. Chris, my fiance, could possibly pass for the ADD poster child. You will never EVER catch him just sitting around or watching TV. He is always moving or doing something. His current favorite past times are: Eating fast food, reading auto trader, fixing up his 20 million cars, navigating through craig's list and calculating and recalculating bills. Our three boys are all very different from each other. Our oldest, Devin, is the fire ball of the three. Just like dad, he never sits. He is loud and energetic. Our middle child, Nuby, is a lover not a fighter. He is the bulkiest of the three but is also the most timid. And we joke that our youngest, Peyton, has little man syndrome. He frequently will walk around letting out an earpiercing sqwack while chasing one of his brothers. My dad also lives in the same house in the in-law suite. So, here we are...Me, Chris, Devin, Nuby, Peyton and Pappy all under one big disfunctional roof. I wouldn't trade it for the world!